


Worlds Apart

by Nachsie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, God uncle castiel, Good Hades, Hades Arc, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mental Anguish, Minor Character Death, Nymph Dean Winchester, Older Castiel, Painter Dean, Persephone - Freeform, Purgatory, Teen Dean, Teen Dean Winchester, Water Nymph, dealing with pain, emotionally damaged, imp, trigger warning: car accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-02-16 08:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2263245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachsie/pseuds/Nachsie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester was just your average teenager. Getting in fights with his siblings, applying to college to get into an art school of his dreams, and getting ready to start life on his own for the first time as a adult. However, life has different plans for the teen and Dean finds his whole world taken away in one terrible night. Leaving him in the care of a stranger to now dealing in the aftermath. Can Dean move on or will he drown in the pain of lost?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I keep reaching

**Author's Note:**

>   
> 

Ever seen a bomb go off in a movie? Everything's disheveled. You can't focus, numbing whining Welcome's you to the world of existence, and through the slow motion and silence you find yourself trying to come together after your world seemed to be shattered and ripped a new one? Well...if you're curious, the same thing happens when you are told your family's dead, only the thing they don't tell you is in the silence you hear of the world around you... You're screaming.

 

_ I'm sorry. _

 

Every heard a doctor tell you that? If not them maybe you are one of the lucky ones.

 

_ I'm sorry. _

 

You can't help but watch those lips move, as they form almost foreign words. For a second you wonder if he is, but then it hits you. Sorry? Why are you sorry? Sorry you couldn't do more? Sorry I'm an orphan? Sorry the only family I had is gone? Sorry you spit in my oatmeal? 

 

Sorry? 

 

He stares at me though waiting for a reaction, I'm not sure how long he waits because he finds himself turning to stare at the nurse who looked as worried as him. Sorry. My whole sixteen years of life and years beyond changed and summed into one word. Sorry.   
  
  
____________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There's something in between my teeth, five teeth in from the left. I can't get it. It feels as though a rock got into my shoe and I have been walking on it all day. My tongue sucks at reaching it, and my nails not small enough. I suck at the tooth. I haven't eaten since I woke, what could be in my teeth? 

 

I'm careful not to accidentally jam my nail into my gums as I dig trying to release the thing between my teeth. It wasn't till the nurse comes in and screams, that I realize maybe ripping my two teeth with a scalpel wasn't the best way to go about it.

Its funny what kinds of people try to pick your head. Humans, fat, tall, small- variety. Never the same person twice. I slid my tongue over my teeth hole. Tender. Sore. Stitched. I like the feel of the stitches over my tongue.    
  
  
  
_______________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They are still trying to locate family. Try the morgue downstairs. They keep asking me questions. I never respond. I heard them mention something of an uncle of mine. 

 

Uncle? I have no uncle. 

 

One therapist asked me if i was scared that I think I would ever forget what my parents looked like. 

 

I didn't respond.   
  
__________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


You know it would be different if at least one of my siblings survived. I could suppress this, fight hard to keep going for them.    
  
Nymphs bond deeply with their family, they say siblings that are born the same month are the closest. That they can feel each other's pain, even if they are years apart. I feel nothing but pain.    
  
Does it still apply after one has died?   
  
_________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


They said they died instantly. 

 

Instantly. 

 

A word that sounds longer said then it means. 

 

Said the drunk driver stopped in the middle of the freeway, dead stop. My family hit them going eighty. 

 

Instantly. 

 

Said That no one suffered. They said only reason I made it was I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. 

 

Ironic isn't it? 

 

Apparently as the cars hit, I was thrown out of the windshield. Slid down the road, slowing down enough not to be killed by the metal divider when I came to a stop at. 

 

Not everyone is blessed with instantly, most are blessed with infinity.   
  
_____________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A nursed yelled at me today, couldn't understand that deaf and being labeled a mute aren't interchangeable. I think she thought I was deaf because I didn't talk. I could hear her as she ordered me to sit up so she can put me in the wheelchair I was getting more accustomed to. Not because I didn't hear her, but because I didn't want to go outside today. 

 

If I ignore her and bite a few digits, she seems to give up. I already have.   
  
  
____________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


There is a fish tank outside my room, in the common area. I like watching it. Sometimes nurses are nice enough to move me closer to the tank to watch. Only company I seem to keep now and days. Being a Water Nymph, I felt so drawn to them, I listened as they sang a song of sorrow. 

 

I watched as the schooling fish swam past the front of the glass, placing my hand on the glass the fish instantly moved to my hand. The thick glass separating us. It isn't till I start crying that the nurses bring me back to my room.   
  
______________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

I remember the first time I ever seen my mother angry. I don't mean 'I snuck out and was caught' angry. I mean really angry. Sammy was seven, I was eleven, and our mother had asked me to watch him while she went into town. 

 

Instead I put in my headphones and locked myself in my room, it wasn't till my mother came home to find Sammy with a broken nose that I found out he had tried to touch the top shelf of mom's glass figurine collection by jumping from her bed and brought the shelf down on him. 

 

I could only imagine the type of grounding I would receive. Month? Year? That was the worse thing I could think of, But I was wrong. The worse was the silence. My mother didn't ground me, she...just stopped speaking to me. 

 

You could never believe how deafening silence can be when there is nothing else.

 

_________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

The only time I sleep anymore is when they put me in the hospital bathroom to bathe me. The nurses hands are cold, but she's nice. Running her hands through my hair, she tells me about how beautiful the sky is today. Though it seems to be beautiful everyday in her opinion, I can't help but listen. 

 

She takes me away from my reality, for a moment every other day and that's a lot for me. For a second I forget my family is dead, that I'm not alone, and that my legs can move to swim again. I would never tell her, but I like to close my eyes and imagine it is my mother caring for me. Her warm hands caressing me, running fingers as she cleans my hair. 

 

But it isn't my mother. 

 

My mother is dead and The nurse's hands are cold.   
  
_______________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

Therapy hurts. Physical therapy anyways. They said they need to move and massage them, so maybe one day I can walk with them again. I don't say anything. They expect my silence. I haven't spoken a word since I came here in the ambulance. They said I was walking with the reaper, that they saved my life. 

 

I don't know if they expect me to be grateful or pissed.   
_______________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

I heard they buried my family today. I wasn't of sound and mind to deal with it. They left it to my family's lawyer who followed my parents will. I thought it was better he listened to them, then deal with me. 

 

They were buried in a cemetery near the river my father and mother met at. My mother and father always meant to take us there, never had the time. 

 

Cruel circumstances to keep your promises in.   
  
_______________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Uncle. I heard them mention that again. Said he was hard to locate. Said they had to call a remote gas station in Japan to find him. I don't have an uncle. They said he's coming all the way from Japan. They must be referring to someone else.

I actually like my therapy homework of sorts. I paint. She gave me paints and I paint. I assume she wanted me to express my feelings with the paints, but instead I water paint things I saw around the hospital. 

 

A koi fish in the fish tank, the hand of my comatose roommate, and even my vitals. She never yells at me when she sees I haven't done what she asks. She compliments my artwork, asked to keep a couple. I didn't mind, she did give me the paints after all.   
  
_________________________________________

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Adam would have been Eleven today.

  
  
  
  


_________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

My birthday's today. At least I think it is. Days seem to combine. But with the new paint kit my hospital therapist brought me for my birthday, a new presence was brought as well. 

 

A disheveled man with a scraggly appearance barged into my room, I could only stare. He was panting, wet to the bone, where's the fire buddy? He stared at me behind his locks, as he pushed away from the door frame he leaned on. Running his fingers through his hair, he moved his hair back long enough to get a good look at me as I did him. 

 

His bright blue eyes seemed to be haunted, lost but his young appearance was a mirage. His eyes showed years of life, hidden on his young appearance the supernatural aspect kept hidden. The hippie moved to rub his beard not sure how to break the silence.

 

"You...look so much like your mother." He spoke.

 

He knew how to make an entrance I was taken back. I have heard I look like my father. Heard that my whole life. Hearing this. I was definitely taken back.

 

"Sir! You can't just come in here!" The nurse with the cold hands came in angrily. "Family only!"

 

"It's okay...I'm his uncle." He breathed as though those words were as foreign to me as they were to him.

 

"I need your name, sir." She insisted.

 

"Novak. Jimmy Novak." He said still looking at me. "You can call me, Castiel." He was speaking to me. 

 

What kind of shitty name was that?


	2. But you're not reaching back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 

The discharge was fairly painless, couple nurses cried, one hugged me, my therapist gave me a canvas stand to use to paint. This hippie got me into the car fairly quickly, he hasn't spoken to me since our first encounter. 

 

Uncle. 

 

How was this shit my uncle, how could I have not heard of him? 

 

I was fairly sure he was a good con man, maybe he was trying to get the money my parents left me. Or maybe he was a hunter who figured out I wasn't human. 

 

At this point what was the worse this guy could do? Kill me?

 

"How are you my uncle?" I find myself saying.

 

"So it speaks." The hippie chuckled as I crossed my arms.

 

"There's no way you're really my uncle." I again speak. "What are you? A con man? Hunter?"

 

"None of the above." The man stated. "But if you must know before you call the cops on me, is I'm your god uncle."

 

"Says who?" I eyed him.

 

"Your mother, she was my best friend growing up." Castiel ran his fingers through his hair.

 

"Then why haven't I met you?" I frowned.

 

"Let's say...we had a disagreement." He wiped his nose slightly, tip of his nose must have been cold. "Something we couldn't see past and...we went our separate ways angry."

 

"When was the last time you talked to her?" I found myself asking.

 

"Fifty years ago. The day she threw one of her heels at me and gave me the scar on my chin." He mumbled rubbing his scar.

 

"So you aren't human either." I looked at him curiously. "But you aren't a water nymph." He didn't answer so I stopped talking.   
  
_________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Click

 

Click

 

Click

 

The hotel had a wheelchair ramp, the handicap parking really came in handy. I let the hippie wheel me into the room with one bed, only one he could get on the way from Japan at such short notice. 

 

He handed me the remote, said he would be back in a few hours, then left. 

 

Great first impression. 

 

I couldn't help but angrily sigh, as I threw the remote against the wall shattering it. Almost clocking the hippie in the head as I threw it, his eyes went wide in shock of a fast moving object flying inches from his face. 

 

He didn't get angry, he didn't yell at me. 

 

He put down the groceries looking bags and the three canvases he bought for my easel. With him picking up the pieces, I said nothing. I felt bad.

 

"I think they were in desperate need of a new remote anyways." He spoke. I stay quiet. 

 

I wish he yelled at me.

________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The hippie ordered room service. 

 

I was hungry, but I didn't eat. 

 

He just ate his breakfast as I painted, I like the hotel's outer appearance. It's old, the building practically groans to life at the movement inside it. The hippie says he's scared the building would collapse on us, brought up once the roof groans again. I don't respond. He gets the hint and stops trying to talk to me.

__________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He asks me if I want to go back to the house with him to pack my things. 

 

I don't want to go back, but the ache in my chest knows I have to. 

 

The car ride was long, took us almost an hour to get up to the winding road to the isolated paradise I called home. 

 

The house was rather large, enough for generations of growing family. The hippie carried me to the couch once he could setting me down as he moved to collect my wheelchair from the back. 

 

I clamped up at the eerie silence I wasn't accustomed to, it looked exactly like the day they died. Sammy's sweater still tossed onto the couch. Joanna's tea set still in the middle of the floor, as though ready and waiting for her return.

 

Dad's office door still open, Adams iPod shoved into the cushions of the couch lost but not forgotten...the only thing that clearly reminded me they weren't coming back was the rotting smell of breakfast that laid out and forgotten in the hurry of that morning. 

 

I shove Adam's iPod into my pocket, before the hippie returns and realizes how pointless it is. He would still have to carry me to the stairs, up them and bring the chair up as well so I could collect my things. He just sighs something about stairs and carries my chair up first. 

 

Before returning to me, he smells better than I thought the hippie would. He smells like Petrichor, though it hadn't rained since the night we met at the hospital.

 

"Here we go." He breathed, He let's me down in my chair as he places two duffel bags on my bed. 

 

I wish I cleaned it before, it was embarrassing its condition. It was worse that he picked up after me so I can wheel about my room no problem. 

 

"Tell me what you would like me to grab." Castiel spoke. 

 

What do I grab? 

 

What do I leave behind? 

 

What of my life can I fit into those duffel bags? 

 

I start off practical, clothes, my toothbrush, Adams iPod charger, but I feel myself getting a bit ridiculous, my basketball trash can hoop, three different trophies from third grade in the sport I hated playing. 

 

There's tears and snot, and I'm just sobbing into a mess of a formal human being. 

 

There he is though. 

 

The hippie kindly taking it in stride and when there was too much to physically fit in there, he kindly let me start over.

_________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Taking as much time as I needed, once I felt content with what was placed in the bags after four tries, he surprised me. 

 

He asked me if there was anything in my families rooms I would like to take with me. 

 

Things. 

 

A last piece of them. 

 

I knew what items I wanted. 

 

My mother's cook book, the one she wrote out all the recipes she ever cooked. 

 

My father's cologne, the smell instantly reminded me of my father, it was strong and musky yet felt like the warm embrace of a engulfing hug. 

 

Sammy's favorite book, Good Omens. Which he always kept on him whenever he needed a good quote. 

 

I had Adam's iPod in my jacket pocket, but I still let the hippie let me look around. Adam always had those headphones in, listening to the good old classical music.

 

He had varieties on there, but he loved anything with a violin and a piano. Mom said he would be the next beethoven. Dad was always confused why mom thought Adam would become a dog.

 

The last room I went into was Joanna's, the room fit for a princess, and the four year old was happily transitioning from the crib to the big girl bed. The night she died would have been her first night sleeping in it. I didn't know what to take from her room, but I realized I didn't need to take anything. 

 

The day they told me my family died, they salvaged my sister's stuffed bunny from the crash. The ear had appeared to be cut off, the stomach had been poorly stitched back together and whoever did the repair work was able to stitch another different color eye on. I wondered why they had cut the bunny's one straight ear off but…

 

I realized that on the cut's edge, it was the blood stain on the ear that made them amputate. 

 

I had it pushed into my hospital belongings unable to look at it, but the comfort of having something that was the world to my sister kept me from tossing it. I swallowed looking around the blue room, tears welled up in my eyes. 

 

Jo hadn't even began life, yet her life was gone. 

 

The hippie placed a hand on my shoulder as I was reminded I wasn't alone I wiped my fallen tears.

 

"Where will I go?" I spoke shaking.

 

"Home with me." Castiel stated, his words brought me comfort.

 

"Where's your home? Japan?" I sniffed.

 

"No. Scotland." He started pulling me from my sister's room. "I was on vacation in Japan." 

 

I was quiet as he picked me up bringing me downstairs, half way down the stairs I felt him stop. He had noticed before even I did that I was staring at the lake through the window. 

 

"If you want I can take you out there before we go..." He asked softly. 

 

Down in the lake was the carvings my siblings and I did at the bottom, the clubhouse we made, and my home away from home...I shook my head no. 

 

I could almost hear my family giggling and laughing calling me to the lake, Sam chanting to catch him as my mother taught Jo how to keep her merfins long enough to use them. My father and Adam jumping off the rocks as Sam and I raced to the bottom of the lake. 

 

But the water was still, not even the wind greeted me to sound as I was placed into the front seat. The only comfort I received was when the engine roared and the lake was a sliver in the rear view mirror.   
___________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I never been in a plane before, but apparently Castiel was prepared for disaster.

  
"I'm going to make this as painless as possible." He stated softly patting me down with a wet cloth, the water made me feel comfort.

  
"Painless?" I questioned as he smiled softly.

  
"Natural instincts aren't fun to mess with. You are a water nymph, by definition you are more comfortable closer to the ground, and water. Being in the airplane may cause you to panic." Castiel slid the cloth against my neck, and the water slid down my spine.

  
"Really?" I asked. 

  
"I'll be here the whole time in case anything goes wrong." He smile softly before he made sure my seat was buckled and sat next to me. My heart was racing, I felt sick and all I want to do was dive head first into a lake. 

 

The flight attendant came over. She was nice. Made sure I didn't need anything. I didn't. The hippie asked for a puke bag. I'm going to be fine. 

 

When the plane started to move and rumble I squeezed the armrest unconsciously. The hippie noticed. It wasn't till I felt him move my hand from the armrest and slid his fingers through mine that I felt okay. 

 

I was going to be fine...but my lunch wasn't.

__________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When landed after Ten hours and thirty minutes worth of throwing up and panicking, the hippie wheeled me out of the airport. I looked like a night of heavy drinking, and he looked like he might have stepped out to start some kids show on TV. 

 

I groaned at my upset body, but being on solid ground was more beautiful than anything I could imagine. More beautiful to him was his hippie van, looking like something out of some Austin powers movie. If it had been a low budget remake anyways. The hippie stopped pushing me to run and hug it. 

 

Though leaving me half way in the street to do it was stupid. I wasn't in immediate danger but I pushed myself out of harm's way anyways.

 

"You never had kids did you?" I asked, He stopped hugging his van.

 

"Nope, Hate kids." He sighed almost relieved at the answer as he moved to put me in the ugly van.

 

"So you hate me?" I asked, though I was now seventeen if I read the date right on the plane ticket, I really no longer qualified.   
  


"I don't know you well enough to decide that." He joked, as he set me down.

 

"Then why take me in?" I questioned.

 

"You mother left you to me for a reason." Castiel shrugged.

 

"Not like she would object if you didn't. Seeing she's dead." I stated spitefully. He paused, that was cruel.

 

"When I get to heaven she would." He stated simply ignoring my obvious fact. "She'd probably throw a shoe at me again."

 

"There is no such thing as heaven." I stated as I felt him buckle me in.

 

"Don't believe in heaven? Then where do we go when we die?" He said almost condensing. 

 

I didn't answer. 

 

He stopped smiling. 

 

There was nothing to say. 

 

When you die, you die. 

 

My family is gone and no false hope was going to change that.   
__________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


The ride was quiet. 

 

I didn't feel like talking. 

 

He didn't feel like talking to me. 

 

So quiet entered the air around us. I hate quiet. Reminds me of the empty spaces and the lives that once filled them. I plugged in Adam's headphones, turned on his ipod and pushed play. The song started close to the end, left by the previous owner to pick up where they left off. Sonata 25 in G Op.79 -ll - Andate. 

 

With only 24 seconds left before it finished, I somehow managed to start crying. 

 

I've been doing that a lot lately. Didn't realize I had started till the music came to see it's end and I realized the silence between the hippie and I was swallowed through the hollow heaving of my chest. He turned to look at me, I couldn't bring myself to look at him, my eyes on the road I watched something bolt into the road, it looked like...dad.

 

"LOOK OUT!" I felt the air fill my lungs as the hippie turned his wheel roughly, the car skid coming to a stop next to some trees. He was panting roughly, I couldn't stop shaking. 

 

My whole body paled as I stared at my hands, I felt the blood. 

 

Blood. 

 

I blinked I blinked. 

 

I could still feel the blood dripping from my hands, my eyes trying to focus as my eyes were brought to the burning car. 

 

_ Fire.  _

 

I could feel the glass and concrete against my skin.

 

_ Blood. _

 

I could hear the fire. 

 

_ Hear sirens. _ __  
  
What happened?

 

_ I'm sorry. I'm sorry. _

 

Someone's talking to me.

 

_ I can't go away for this. _

 

Go...away?

 

_ You'll be okay. Hold the cloth. I'm sorry. I... Didn't mean to cause any of this. _

 

Someone's calling my name.

 

"DEAN!" Castiel’s voice welcomed to my ears. I swallowed air as I ripped my eyes away from my blood hands. Cas. He was holding my shoulders staring at me. "There's nothing there, Dean! There's no blood! Dean...there's nothing there..." 

 

I returned my eyes to my hands, there was no blood. 

 

Just scars. 

 

Tears filled my eyes as I looked at the hippie who looked so concerned, I started sobbing loudly as I wrapped my arms around his neck gripping him roughly burying my face into his neck. I cried loudly. 

 

I felt his hands grip me back, one hand on the back of my head, the other around my lower back....and I never felt so small.

  
  



	3. Trying to get in, find you through the cracks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 

"Are you guys okay?!" I yank away, turning away from Castiel.   
  


"Physically anyways." Castiel sighed straightening himself making me realize he was now outside the car as he turned to the voice. "Jody."   
  


"...Castiel?" She seemed surprised by her voice. I can't help but look to see her.

 

She had placed her hands on her jean hips, with a smile on her face, she was genuinely happy to see the hippie. 

 

I was surprised. 

 

Didn't seem like anyone would want to be seen with him, none the less want to be his friend. 

 

"Well, I'd be lying if I didn't say I was seriously surprised to see you." Jody stated.   
  


"You know I couldn't stay away from you, beautiful." He winked, as he moved to her but the sound of a gun cocking made Castiel's hands instantly go up. 

 

Shit. I swallowed. 

 

That stupid hippie was going to die for hitting on her?!   
  


"Castiel." The man growled.   
  


"Bobby." Castiel stated. 

 

Who was bobby?! 

 

Why die he have a gun cocked at the hippie?! 

 

He couldn't die. 

 

Please. 

 

No.

 

I couldn’t lose him too. 

 

I felt my frozen knees move, as I quickly threw myself from the open car in front of the gun. The man was taken back, as well as the hippie as I put my hand out towards the gun trying to shield him.   
  
"Please! He's all I have! Don't kill him!" I was shaking from hitting the ground. I was trying to be strong, I wouldn't cry. My legs were scratched up, hitting the ground roughly with my knees. They stung. God they stung.   
  
"Dean!" Castiel quickly moved to my side, picking me up so easily, he cradled me. "You just threw your physical therapy back months! What are you doing?!" 

 

What am I doing? 

 

What am I doing?!   
  


"Are you SUICIDAL?!" I growled in frustration as the woman walked over looking at my knees.   
  


"Bring him back to the ranch." Jody stated looking at my rock filled knees. "Needs to be cleaned out good and proper." 

 

What? Why are they helping me?

 

Castiel nodded sliding me back into the car, I whimpered. It hurt moving my knees to fit them in. I guess I should be glad for the pain. Pain means maybe I could walk again someday. When the car door shut, I could hear faintly the muffled whispering between the three. 

 

They seemed...friendly? 

 

So... Castiel's life wasn't...in danger? 

 

When Castiel rounded the car and got in, I glared at him. He noticed.   
  
"So...those are our neighbors...." He started nervously. 

 

I punched him.   
  
_________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
"Ouch!" Castiel groaned as Jody pretty much shoved a bag of ice on his broken nose.  
  
"Don't be such a baby." She insisted as she moved to me to finish bandaging my knees. She was good at cleaning wounds, or so I noticed anyways. Checked the cuts for rocks. Poured hydrogen peroxide and carefully rounded the wounds, this wasn't her first time cleaning wounds. Nor was it the first time people had been watching me from the shadows. 

 

There was two kids on the top of the stairs watching the two strangers invited into their home. 

 

One looked about my age, the other looked around Adam's age...I paused my thought. 

 

Was the past tense correct or the current? 

 

Adam was never going to get older than ten. 

 

Ten. 

 

I pulled my eyes away from the direction of the prying eyes. 

 

"You're strong, son." Jody spoke. I looked up at Jody who slid the bandage on. Had castiel managed to tell them everything? "I can just tell...someone willing to put their lives on the line for someone like him has been through some tough shit."   
  
"Like him?" I found myself asking. She held her tongue and continued to bandage me.   
  
"Broke your nose huh?" Bobby laughed at the hippies misfortune. "Remember the few times I did that to you."   
  
"Too bad the kid hits harder." The hippie teased back, bobby got a kick out of that.   
  
"Jody! Jody! Remember when we first met Cas?" Bobby laughed going for a beer in the fridge, passing one to Cas who gladly accepted. I glared instantly at the bottle in his hands, must have gotten the hint because instead he twirled it slowly in his hand instead. "Idjit got himself trapped in our trap. Screamed like a girl when I pointed the gun at him."   
  
"That did not happen!" Castiel instantly jumped to his own defense. "I believe I remember getting your gun and getting you trapped in your own net that night."   
  
"Boys! Boys! You're both pretty, now can you both stop fighting." Jody sighed as they heard the giggle from upstairs, she sighed as she glanced at the stairs. "Benny, Charlie. Are you guys still up after I asked you to go to bed?" 

 

There was hushed whispers and silence before the girl spoke.   
  
"Um...no?" Charlie spoke. Jody sighed.   
  
"Come down you two." The two rushed down stairs instantly. I wasn't in the mood to see people. I wanted to cry. I wanted to go home. Though I kept those thoughts in, I slid my hands across my cold arms.   
  
"You're cute like a girl. I'm charlie, I’m eight." The girl was sweet, but instantly moving to sit on my lap I flinched at the contact of unwanted touching, but she didn't recoil. "We are going to be best friends."   
  
"Charlie!" Jody yanked her from my lap. She seemed obvious to my discomfort, didn't mean to get her In trouble. "What did I say about sitting on people's laps?"   
  
"Not to strangers and not without permission." She grumbled as she saw Cas and instantly moved to sit on his lap. "Cassie!" Jody yanked her off again giving her the same lecture, but in one ear and out the other it seemed.   
  
"Ignore her. She does that. She has a thing where she sits in people's laps to talk to them. I think it has something to do with Santa." The boy spoke, the nearly forget he was there. He was so quiet. Respectful. My father would have loved him. "I'm Benny." He stated, his eyes scanned me as though searching for more information about me. I didn't greet him back.   
  
__________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
When we finally got to Castiel's house, I was expecting a tree house. I expected a shack, a hobble for the hippie. No electricity. No such thing as real living. I was pleasantly surprised. The house was... a house. Two story. Glass windows, the main structure made of dark wood. It was something snatched out a magazine for a rich man's vacation home. It was beautiful.  
  
"Your mother would have loved this place too." He whispered softly. 

 

I said nothing taking in the words as I heard the hippie get out. I watched him walk to the back taking my things first, what did jody mean a man like him? 

 

I frowned. Hearing a loud rumble the rain started almost instantly, the dark night sky glowed with lightning behind the clouds. I watched as one by one different lights turned on in the house and off as he exited the room. All on the first floor. I watched the hippie through the glass windows that filled the house, till a light turning on upstairs caught my eye. 

 

My breath hitched as I felt a cold shiver slid down my spine, I swallowed my whole body not watching to look at the light upstairs. I slowly brought my eyes to the lights, as my eyes landed on the child figure of Joanna. 

 

Clinging to her doll. Bloody hand raised against the glass on the second floor. The thunder boomed as a tap on the glass in front of me ripped my eyes from her to the figure I hadn't noticed in front of me. 

 

I screamed.   
  
"Dean! It's me! Unlock the door." The hippie returned, I ripped my eyes from him to the second story. She was gone. But she never was really there was she? 

 

"Dean. It's cold." He repeated. I unlocked the door and he carefully picked me up. 

 

The rain was cold, a shiver slid up my skin as he brought me inside. By the time he had brought me to what I had assumed was my new room I was soaked, placing me in my chair. He grabbed the towel to dry me, softly staring at my feet.

 

  
  
"Do you think they hate me?" I whispered. He stopped the silence we had gotten use to had been filled by my voice. "For living?" 

 

Castiel was quiet for a long time unsure how to answer but knew it was worth more than a meaningless no with no thought. He spoke after a couple of minutes, his hair dripping water on my foot.   
  
"No." The silence filled the air again, the crackling of lightning and rain was soothing.   
  
"I see them sometimes..." I spoke softly, he stopped moving. "Like ghosts..." I expected him to blow me off but he stopped looking at my foot to look at me. "...will...I ever stop seeing them...?"   
  
"What do you think they are?" He questioned.   
  
"My therapist said they are my guilty conscious-" I started.   
  
"I asked what you thought. Not her." He stated looking me in the eyes. I was taken back.   
  
"I..." I had pondered this for a moment. "I think it's my family, angry I survived and they didn't." He was quiet. Softly and slowly trying to appear he was drying my foot but he was more focused in thought.   
  
"You know what I think?" He stated. I shook my head no. "I believe your family is trying to tell you something. Maybe try to listen." I held my breath.   
  
"What...if I find out and it's something...bad." I swallowed, he softly nodded.   
  
"Won't know till you try." I was quiet and cold. Maybe just maybe the hippie had a point.

  
_________________________________________   


  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
The sky wasn't clear by morning, but the rain was a light trinkle. I could smell castiel was cooking, it smelled good. Burgers, the good kind with homemade fries, though everything was homemade I was really excited for fries. It had been a while since I was excited about food. 

 

I licked my lips at the thought as I watched two figures in ponchos running from Jody's house to ours. The small red headed figure gave away young charlie instantly, which looked like they were bringing over some potatoes Castiel had been missing from his fridge. I heard their loud knocks and castiel opening the door greeting them.   
  
"Thanks Jody." Castiel's voice echoed the empty halls as I pulled on my shirt to start the day.   
  
"How's the kid?" Jody asked.   
  
"Sleeping." Castiel stated.   
  
"How...is he taking it?" Jody spoke in hush tones.   
  
"Hard." Castiel whispered back.   
  
"Why doesn't he walk?" Charlie's voice questioned.   
  
"Charlie-" Jody tried to stop her.   
  
"Doesn't he know-?" Charlie asked innocently.   
  
"Charlie." Her mother said sternly as I wheeled into the room.   
  
"Know? Know what?" I asked, they turned instantly.   
  
"She was wondering if you knew how to walk." Castiel covered exchanging glances between the two. They were acting odd, but I didn't press it.   
  
"I do charlie, did...I need to try to heal to see if I can ever walk again." Charlie didn't say anything.   
  
"We should go." Jody smiled kissing my forehead kindly. I was slightly taken back as she said her farewell. Reminded me of my mother. I didn't say much as I watched her go and I for a second felt bliss, I wanted to forget, but the reality became consuming.   
  
___________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
My mother use to tell me a story when I was younger, the story of Pandora's box. Different then I hear people tell me today. She told me that god made a box and put the world's monsters inside it, and left guarding it to the worse monster he created. 

 

Pandora. 

 

The box however wasn't a locked box with a key but a jack in the box. 

 

God command Pandora to whined the box for all of eternity, because he knew one day the box would open for the other versions were wrong... it wasn't a matter of how the box opened but when…   
__________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
"It's beautiful." Castiel spoke. I jumped as the hippie took a seat next to me on the porch. I was painting the bumble bees that flown around the porch. Lucky enough to have land close enough to get the minor details.  
  
"Thank you." I gave a fake polite softly, watching him closely he examined the bee painting. "Is that for me?" 

 

My eyes were drawn to the tea in his hands. He nodded handing me one before sipping his own, taking a deep breath he looked examining every aspect of my painting.   
  
"I've seen paintings like yours sell for millions." Castiel smiled.   
  
"I'm not that good...honest." I looked down, he noticed. "The reason my family was out the day of the crash...was because the night before I had found out I was rejected by Yale for their art program. Said I...wasn't what they were looking for. My family decided to take me to the beach to cheer me up..." 

 

It was my fault they were there in the car. 

 

My fault they died. 

 

Tears welled in my eyes as I wiped them.   
  
"...would you blame them if it was you?" I turned sniffing. "If you died instead?" 

 

I said nothing as I sipped my tea. 

 

If I had died instead....   
  
"No. I don't think I would." I mumbled, he smiled softly staring out at the forming thick sunset.   
_______________________________________   
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
I was getting use to the new world I was living in. Waking up to the hippies welcoming smells of breakfast, castiel teaching me the garden, and animals around me. The closest thing to schooling I gotten, Benny and charlie came over to play before sunset, to which I would paint on the porch and castiel would drink tea till the sun came down. My new world with him.   
  
"I'm a imp." Castiel spoke one day when he sat down near me while painting. I paused turning to look at him.   
  
"An...imp?" I repeated, he nodded as he sipped his tea.   
  
"It's...a hybrid child of a fairy and a demon." He started.   
  
"I've...heard of imps...but...you're beautiful?" I caught myself recoiling after saying it. He just laughed softly.   
  
"Am I now?" He asked. I blushed as we found ourselves both laughing. He softly ruffled my hair, as I softly pushed him off me playfully.   
  
"I heard imps mischievous pranksters...your...kind..." I spoke softly, he smiled at my words as he held his knee with his hand. Resting his chin on his knee, he softly smiled.   
  
"We do other things besides pranks." He smiled softly, I gave a half smile back. 

 

This might not be home but it's warm.

  
  



	4. Guess I'm trying to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 

It’s cold. Though, that seems normal here. The weather doesn’t seem to change much. It’s cold. It’s always cold. 

The hippie doesn’t seem to mind it, which I guess for the most part makes me the only party in objection to it. The hippie almost automatically brings me a blanket for my legs before starting our day now. No matter what he did. It was like I could never get warm.

 

____________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

Dipping my paint into the color red, I slid my brush up back into the canvas. Moving the brush carefully not to smudge the colors together with the blues. My hands colored with so many colors, I would have sworn I dipped them in a rainbow. Maybe I took all of scotland's rainbows? All there happened to be here was fog. If it wasn’t for the brightness, I would think I swallowed up the sun too. Here in scotland there only seemed to be two things. There was always fog and it was always cold.

 

I felt droplets spill into my lap, which I wiped away without a care. Focused on the thin line of red I was painting. Only stopping when the paint was no longer presence to drip it in some more, but when my hand far from the spot again felt red droplets. I paused my hand, glancing down at the dark red droplets that started to slid down my leg. 

Reaching a hand up to my nose, I touched both my nostrils in an attempt to find the source. However when more droplets fell onto my thigh, I realized they weren’t coming from me. I slowly glanced up towards the ceiling hesitantly, seeing my father’s lifeless body hanging from his car seat as it was when the car flipped. Blood dripping from his hand onto my knee. 

My chest heavied at the sight, my stomach lurched with distress as I tried to stand, to reach him. To save him. Screams I didn’t know I was voicing caused the arms slid around me from behind. Gripping me tightly, I lashed instantly turning to them trying to get them off, trying to get to my father.

“HE’S NOT THERE DEAN!” Castiel’s voice sucked the reality there, as I glanced back at the ceiling then back at the water droplets on my leg. There was nothing there. My father was dead. Screams turned into loud sobs of agony, as I collapsed back into my chair. Castiel gripping me for dear life, holding me till I couldn’t cry anymore. Why did I still cry even though it was useless? It’s not like crying couldn’t bring them back anyways…

__________________________________________

 

 

 

 

Castiel liked to sleep in boxers which I had started to grow use to. Castiel looked rather nice in them, and though I never said anything to the man who chomped when he chewed. I found myself watching him a lot more than I cared to admit. I think he noticed. He never said much and when he did it was never about that. Maybe it the was the scar that had combined with his butt chin, almost missed by the full scruffle but the hair never seemed to grow to cover it.

“Why did my mother throw a shoe at you?” I spoke, Castiel paused almost instantly at that.

“It’s a long story.” Castiel glanced up. I think he expected me to cave. I didn’t.

“I got nothing but time.” I retorted, getting angrier by the minute.

“It’s a story for another time.” Castiel spoke, still not reacting.

“Todays, another time.” I snapped, he continued to eat his cereal, almost as though ignoring me.

“Maybe another time, another day.” Castiel chewed, almost carefree, focused on reading the cereal box. 

Before I could comprehend my emotions, I grabbing his cereal bowl, I angrily tosses it against the wall. It shattered. Sending milk and cereal over us both. I shook with anger as he calmly stared at me. 

Why was he always so calm?! 

“...Are you done?” Castiel asked. He wasn’t angry. I wish he’d get angry at me. I wish he would yell at me. He’s always so caring and kind, he never did wrong to me.

I pushed the table over too.  
_________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

His hands are soft. They always found my hair. Always found my skin. His hands are soft. Unlike I remember my father's being. My father’s were always calloused. The thought crossed my mind when Castiel was cleaning the milk from my hair. Castiel’s fingers tangling themselves in my hair, sliding his tips kindly against my scalp. 

“What do you do?” I asked. Though he paused as he glanced down at me. The soft smile on his face. The smile he has never seen him without. 

“Do?” Castiel hummed at the word. 

“Work...I’ve never seen you work.” I speak once again. 

“I have a old profession.” Castiel stated, as I closed my eyes when the water slid down my face as he poured water to clean my hair. 

“How old?” I whispered when his fingers slid to caress my cheek of the excess bubbles from the shampoo. 

“Very old.” Castiel spoke giving him that soft smile again. Though his answers left me unsatisfied, I didn’t push it this time.

_______________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

I watched from the porch as Charlie picked flowers in front of the house, my focus on the winds today that seemed to welcome some sort of change in the weather. Though the fog, was still a bother, it thick and unaffected by the change. I wasn’t sure if I assumed it would. 

I could like always barely make out the singers farm, the view almost lost in the sea of fog. I slid my eyes over the lost sea of it, as I rubbed my cold fingers out of habit watching Charlie humming to herself as she picked daisies and stuck them into tea pots and tea cups. Her friends, sat around on the make shift table blanket. 

Being barely held up by the grass or mud underneath, the wind had surprisingly never blown them over. A light from the fog, caught my stare as I watched bobby walking out towards the woods with a lantern. I moved my stare towards the light, moving my wheelchair closer to the edge of the porch watching him disappear into the woods, past the wooden gate. The white gate was always open, but with me confinement to the wheelchair I never been over there. With the paths muddy and little rocks there would be no way I could just take a stroll to see what lies beyond.

 

“Oi. Charlie.” I asked as she glanced up as him, as she poured out the daisies. “What’s over there?” Charlie glanced over where her father had gone. 

“...More fog.” Charlie spoke as Castiel walked out, wiping his hands. 

“Lunch is ready.” Castiel spoke, as I turned to face him. Castiel holds the screen door for me to wheel myself in. Castiel followed, close behind with a little nod and a kind word for charlie to head on in for her mother has lunch ready. 

 

It wasn’t till her little feet running off towards her house was heard, that Castiel came and took a seat next to me at the table. 

“How are your legs feeling today?” Castiel always asked, moving to take a bite of a thick sandwich of meats. We had this conversation at least once a day. 

“Same as normal.” I stated almost like a broken record.

“Did you want to try to walk today?” Castiel asked as I sighed. 

“No.” I repeated, he chomps again. Chomp chomp chomp.

“That’s a shame.” Castiel mumbles to himself as AGAIN like always repeats himself. I let it go.

“...What’s over the fence?” I ask interrupting our normal routine.

“Hm?” Castiel raised an eyebrow.

“On bobby’s farm. I notice he went far out past the fence today.” I question. 

“Well, he’s a hunter, Dean.” Castiel wiped his mouth on a napkin. “I wouldn’t be surprised seeing the whole family head out time and time again. There are many animals out in those woods.” 

“...yeah.” I nod, feeling a bit dumb I hadn’t thought that answer first. The first time I have just accepted Castiel’s answer without much fight. “Makes sense.” Castiel gave me a soft smile, before he went back to chewing on his sandwich. 

Chomp Chomp Chomp.  
_________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

“Do you got it?” Castiel asked as I once again like every night struggled to get my pj pants on by sitting up in my wheelchair the best I could but the bastard of legs refused to work with me. Castiel raised an eyebrow as I ignored him trying to somehow throw my legs into my pants uncoordinatedly. 

When I didn’t answer like clock work, he already has me in his arms, holding me by my chest with his arms wrapped around me. I hold my breath as he tries to get me off the wheelchair and into the bed like normal. But the sudden tug of my t shirt snagging on the handle of the wheelchair has us both tumbling forward.

I landed on my back as he catches himself before he could force his whole weight on me. His hands on both sides of my head, as he looks down at me. Maybe if I had a moment I could remind myself that I was just in my underwear, and that there was a man on top of me, but all I could process was the feel of his body pressed against mine.

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath till Castiel’s breath tickled against my lips as he stared at me. He noticed his lips before he noticed mine. I wondered how my breath felt against his lips. No doubt cold. I was always cold. 

 

He hesitantly looked away, the first moments between either of us. His body slowly trying to sit up, but my hand shot out touching the side of his face with my fingertips. What was I doing?

His head hesitantly turned back to look at mine, as I sat up to meet his movement. My eyes scanned his face almost instantly like the moment would have been lost. When I leaned in pressing my lips to his, the kiss was soft. The feeling of warmth against my lips made my cold skin feel almost warm by association.

I didn’t expect much. 

My brain could barely comprehend the action.

 

However, his lips moved against mine hard and the back of my head welcomed with his hand which tangled themselves in my hair. The breath from his lips meeting mine was a comforting sound and with the hard clash of our lips. The softness under my back made me realize I had been lowered back onto the bed. 

He kissed me with the desperation I almost needed from him. Rapid and harsh, the touches against our skins were the softest, despite our lips being unkind.

The sound of our multiple movements of kisses, were ended with harsh breaths as I felt him pull back from my lips. He held my chin as the other cupped the side of my neck tracing the path against it, in my deep rapid gasps of air. His lips moving to brush against my neck following it, as he pressed hard kisses against the skin.

His beard tickles. 

One kiss against the top near my ear.

A shiver slid down my spine as he moved.

One kiss against the middle of my neck.

I’m starting to like the hippies’ beard.

Two kisses against the end of my neck and the beginning of my shoulder. 

He hesitantly paused at the last kiss pulling back as I panted looking up at him as he glanced away. 

“...I should get you into bed.” He pulled away moving to collect my pants from the floor. 

I didn’t follow him with my gaze staring up into the wooden panel ceiling. 

I didn’t try to stop him from leaving either.  
___________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was bleeding.

I could feel the glass shards under my hands as my hands instinctively moved to close in it’s first attempts of movements. I couldn’t move anything else. I tried to get my head to turn, but I couldn’t get the movement. Nothing else would move. But...at least nothing hurt. 

My vision was fading in and out, as the warmth of a light came into view first. A car on fire. What an odd sight. The flames high in the front, now smashed deeply into the divider, almost as flat as a pancake. 

I hope the driver’s okay.

My eyes fluttered to the concrete by my head, and the variety of glass shards against it. Why was I on the floor? I blinked harshly against the odd sight of me on the concrete floor in the middle of the night. 

I still couldn’t move. 

My hand twitched on it’s own which gain my attention, my eyes slid over to my twitching ring finger. Covered in blood on the pale skin, and the dark liquid oozing in between my fingers.

However, my sight didn’t stay on my fingers for long, for in the background of my vision, there was the family car. Turned over on it’s top, the car looked as though it had survived a washing machine. Half laid against the railing of the road, it looked as though one of adam’s toy cars, just tossed aside for someone to pick up. 

My vision was blocked when someone moved besides me, someone grabbed my neck pressing against it tightly. I didn’t realize I was shaking till the warm hands against my throat welcomed the realization. My eyes stared up at the man, who held my neck tighter as though trying to hold it in place. 

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” The man breathed with tears sliding down his face. I took in his long shaggy hair, his unkempt beard. The face of a man I didn’t recognize. He looked as though he himself had suffered the night at a bar.

Why was he sorry?

 

“I can't go away for this.” The man sobbed. 

 

Go...away?

 

“You'll be okay. Hold the cloth. I'm sorry. I... Didn't mean to cause any of this.” He ripped his shirt, and pressed the cloth against my neck, forcing my hand up against it. I couldn’t do much but lay my hand lifelessly against it, his hand doing all of the pressure. “I’m sorry, man. I-I got kids.” 

He breathed as he stood abruptly, glancing around before he bolted out of view. I stared at my family's car in silence, unable to speak, unable to call out. When a loud noise forced me from my memory.  
____________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

I jumped awake by the sound of glass breaking, my eyes forced themselves open as I took in my surrounds of the hippie’s familiar home. 

The room, which I was now beginning to see as my own. Dark blue curtains, pale white walls, and the dark mahogany furniture made me feel at ease. I sat up, pulling my knees to himself, as he stared at the wall with the only slightest sign of light on it. 

Though the fog, had blocked it from his view, the windows seemed to welcome the hidden light source. I laid my head on my knees just as the door creaked open. I didn’t bother to look, since there only seemed to ever be one person in the home. I felt a hand slid up and down my bare spine. I instantly relaxed against it. 

“What broke?” I whispered, as the hand stopped. 

“I dropped a plate.” Castiel’s voice whispered, as what felt like he pressed a kiss against my shoulder blade. Though I was sure it was only a hopeful thought he did.

“You okay?” I asked concerned for the hippie, as Castiel smiled against my skin.

“I’m always okay.” Castiel stated. “How did you sleep?”

“I dreamed...of the drunk driver.” I whispered. Castiel’s fingers paused once again.

“And?” Castiel asked. I didn’t speak. 

“He was crying…” I breathed. “...he kept that he couldn’t go away for this...that he had kids...and he just...left us...to die.” It was this time that Castiel didn’t speak. Silence continued between us, as the only form of his fingers sliding up and down my spine was my only welcoming. 

“...If you...could kill him for what he did...would you?” Castiel’s voice made me actually turn to look at him.

“...No…” I breathed, this once again stops the comfort on my spine.

“No?” He asked. He’s confused. He pauses as though expecting me to change my answer, but I don’t. “Why?” 

“...because I lost my family already...his family shouldn’t lose him too...besides...my family’s still dead.” I bury my face back into my knees. “...no amount of revenge will change that…” He was silent, for a long time as he pulled away grabbing the wheelchair and pulling it close which gained my attention enough to lift my head. 

“Hm.” Castiel spoke, which made me raise an eyebrow. 

“Hm. What?” I gave him a look.

“Nothing...just...that’s what we called healing, dean.” Castiel stated, as he scooped me up in his arms. Laying me into the chair, I gave him an annoyed look. “You’re starting to let go.”

“You’re an idiot.” I huffed back, as Castiel started to push my chair down the hall. “You sound like that pushy therapist the hospital made me see.”

“If I was a therapist, I’d be talking about your sex life more often.” Castiel joked, I went red. How could I not? “So Dean, when was the last time you got laid?”

“You’re not my therapist! Put a sock in it!” I yelped louder than I intended which gained loving laughter from the imp.

“Hey, you said it. Not me.” The hippie heartfelt laughter echoed the home, and what felt like the first time in awhile...I actually smiled a bit too….and meant it.


	5. It hurts to feel this far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 

We never did talk about the kiss.

My eyes slid over Castiel’s form as he sat in bed in his boxers, reading over some book with his reading glasses, resting back into his bed. His fingers slid over the headboard tracing the wood above his head. He was beautiful in the early hours. His hair in disarray from sleep, and I hated that I found myself waking up just to see him this way. Beautiful. Vulnerable. The way he smiled into his book, or he slid a hand down his skin subconsciously to the skin the boxers didn’t cover. 

The cracked door always welcomed me, and when I built the courage to push the door open, he would look at me. Almost as though he was seeing an old friend after all these years. I can’t help but wonder why he looks at me that way…

I push open the bedroom door, and his eyes instantly move to me. Staring into me like he knew me better than I did. His eyes lit up so beautifully. His eyes reminded me of the lake I missed so much from home. Castiel pulled his eyes away from me as he reached up to scratch his chin, turning to look back at his book. 

“What is your favorite part so far?” I ask. I always ask as I wheel myself in. 

“The plot twist.” Castiel spoke, as his eyes moved back to me. Always his response. Always. I give him a familiar soft smile to a question I already know the answer to. He gives me one in return. 

I like our familiarity. 

“Hungry?” He asks, I nod and he sets his book down, taking off his reading glasses and climbed out of bed, moving to me, he starts to push my wheelchair. 

I like our familiarity...but I liked our kiss too.  
_________________________________________________________-

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paint slid down my hand as I slid the paintbrush over the canvas, it was raining today. Which was a nice change from just the normal foggy, cold. Granted it was still both those things, but now it was wet too. Castiel had let me paint inside. Which I responded I was not a clean painter. Castiel didn’t mind. 

Castiel cleaned the dishes in the sink, taking his time, as the paint dripped from my hand onto the wooden floor of the old house. Castiel took his time, washing and drying all the dishes, even the ones they never used. Castiel admitted he didn’t like them to be dusty. Just in case. I didn’t understand. Just in case of what? They never got visitors. 

I paused my hand when I felt Castiel’s arms slide around my neck, the closeness made me instantly close my eyes. My free hand moving to hold his wrist in my hand, as he smiled against my neck taking in the painting of blues, blacks and reds, of a man’s face with no distinguish features. His beard tickled against my skin.

“It’s beautiful.” He whispered, I stared at it as well. I didn’t see the beauty in it. I never saw it. I didn’t respond, the only sound made was the light squeaking of my wheelchair, against his added weight on the breaks. I didn’t respond to his comment, as he glanced slightly at my face. “Who is it? Your boyfriend.” He teased playfully.

“You.” My voice spoke words I hadn’t meant to say. His face’s expression changed to one, more...humble. Turning now to eye the painting with a different expression. “I-I’m not done-”

“It’s beautiful.” He repeated, slowly pulling back to sit up right. His hand never left my shoulder. I hated how much I liked it. How much I believed his words. Unlike anyone who ever told me they were. With him. I actually believed, even just a little bit. 

A click made us turn looking up at a old clock above the door to the living room. One I had barely ever took notice to, it never moved, never made noise. But my eyes watched as the hand started to move again. Castiel seemed surprised too.

“Hm.” Castiel made a interested face, at the clock watching the hand move.

“Maybe...the batteries were loose?” I offered, as Castiel glanced down giving me a loving smile. 

“...Maybe.” Castiel whispered back petting the back of my head before he turned walking back towards the kitchen, his hand lingering on him till it slid away. I paused only slightly, before turning and continuing his painting.

____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

The rain poured heavily outside seemed never ending, the wind seemed to make the house creek. Dean didn’t mind it so much. Pausing as he glanced up at the ceiling, hearing the house groan at the elements. 

“It won’t fall on us.” Castiel’s voice gained my attention, as my eyes returned to the man who sat in front of me. He beamed affectionately, drumming his fingers against the bar stool bottom as he anxiously waited for the painting to be done. 

Ever since I told Castiel he was my inspiration for my current painting, he had offered to be my live model, in exchange for the painting when I was done. I kept insisting that it wasn’t worth being given to. He then offered to buy it. I then repeated it wasn’t that good. He then just started to sit in front of me with the stool every time I painted….He somehow got his way. 

I gave him a playful smile. 

“I wasn’t worried about that.” I told him, lifting my paint brush to his beard on my painting.

“Oh?” Castiel stated playfully.

“Stop moving.” I spoke focusing on the way his beard grew. He didn’t stop beaming. The house creaked again, I paused but didn’t look up at the ceiling. Castiel just wiggled his eyebrows in my direction. “I’m not worried about the house falling down.” I repeated.

“Uh Huh.” Castiel stated. I must have made a face because he almost beamed more. 

“It’s really not it.” I started, painting.

“Then what?” Castiel asked, as I stayed silent, focusing on his nose. He didn’t press it, but after a while I set my paintbrush into the water and sighed looking at them. 

“...when it use to storm, my siblings and I use to play a game is all...It’s like hide and go seek and marco pollo. It’s just a dumb game where they blindfold you. The storm drowned out the noise, and all you can rely on is the sound of them moving and the knocking. They had to knock every time I said, ‘and the rain goes?’." I slid my hands up and down my arms, Castiel didn’t say anything as he stared at me. “I am...half expecting them...to knock you know?”

“Do...you see them still?” Castiel asked as I paused, the house creaked and I glanced up. Castiel’s eyes also glancing to the ceiling when a harsh pounding on the door made us both jump. Turning to look behind Castiel to the front door, I only breathed when Bobby’s voice called from the door.

“Castiel?!” Bobby called, as Castiel stood quickly, the stool scratching against the floor. 

“It’s just Bobby.” Castiel breathed, as he bolted to the door. The door opened, the very wet Benny, and Bobby stood at the door in heavy rain ponchos. 

“We need your help.” Bobby whispered, as words were exchanged.

“It was a accident.” Benny spoke a little loudly in the middle of it, as I moved my wheelchair to get a better look between the three. All speaking in low tones, as Castiel nodded, turning to look back at me. 

“Hey, Dean. I need to help secure sandbags for the barn, it’s going to flood.” Castiel stated, grabbing his coat from the rack, before moving to me. He cupped the back of my neck with his hand, before pressing a kiss on the top of my head. I felt my breath stop completely, as Castiel bolted out of the house closing the door behind him. 

I let out the breath with uncertainty once the pounding of the rain on the house reminded me that life continued after Castiel’s kiss to my forehead. He...just kisses me again? Did he even realize he did? I knew bobby and Benny realized, their eyes giving each other unreadable glances. The movement was so innocent, that I didn’t know how to read it. Why did I care anyways? Stupid idiot. Making me feel stupid things. 

I picked up my paint brush, sliding it back into the canvas. Chewing on my bottom lip, as I worked the color for Castiel’s teeth. A harsh bang made me jump, dropping my paintbrush into my lap. I gasped, trying to catch my breath. It was just the wind. The storm. Anything more logical. I let out a breath, as I put my paintbrush into the water and rolled myself over to the sink. 

It was a lot higher than I was sitting so I used my upper arms to hoist myself up to get the paper towels from the rack when the lightning outside lit the outside. My eyes locked with another, A man stood outside wet, and stared at me...coldly...almost bitter. I could make out the dark colors of his brown eyes, and the medium length black hair.

I screamed, as I fell back into my chair. My chest heaved as I glanced around. Who was that?! Why were they outside?! The house creaked, as I tried to gain my composer. I could hear creaking on the rounding deck outside. Slow and heavy footprints. I followed the sound outside, as I realized where they were headed. The front door. I quickly rolled to the front door, slamming into it so hard I could almost feel my knees started to bruise. I slid the lock into place, as I backed away from the door, hearing the footsteps come to a stop in front of the door. 

It was quiet for a long time, before the door knob slowly started to rotate, however not going very far. Coming to a stop, when the lock refused to let the knob turn any father. I panted when the handle slowly started to slide back up. 

Go away. I begged in my head. Go away. 

The handle violently started to shake as I covered my mouth to hold back the scream of fear, backing as far as I could watching the knob shake, and when the pounding of ramming against the door with all their might. 

When a loud grunt made the door knob stop moving, and a harsh bang of something hitting the floor outside. I didn’t move as I let out a mixture between a sob and a whimper, before the handle moved again. 

“Dean?!” Castiel’s rapid movement of the door knob made me break into sobs. Castiel. He was here. He was okay. I rushed to the door, forcing it open. Castiel tumbling in, in a panic as he cupped my face wiping my tears as he looked me over. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” 

I shook my head no. 

Castiel growled, yanking away from me he delivered a swift kick into the man’s side, who grunted in pain tumbling down the small stairs of the porch and into the mud. I have never seen Castiel angry before. All the times he could have, should have blown up on me. He had never. I thought he couldn’t be angry. 

“HOW DARE YOU?!” Castiel growled, his voice even stopped me in my traces. His voice sending ripples up my spine, even though it was not directed to me. I even wanted to stop breathing at that moment. This was the man who has been by my side for so long, I couldn’t imagine a moment without him. Yet, right now I didn’t recognize him at all. “YOU TRY TO COME INTO MY **HOME**!” Castiel grabbed the man by his collar, delivering hard punches to the man’s face. “TRY TO HURT WHAT IS **MINE**?!”

His?

Bobby and Benny stood close enough to stop him, but neither of them moved. Neither of them attempted to stop him. Why weren’t they trying to pull Castiel off? Bobby watched panting heavily most likely from running here, and Benny...Benny couldn’t even watch. Yet...If they didn’t stop him. Castiel was going to kill him!

“C-Castiel.” I spoke, surprise my voice had the courage to speak in the almost deafening silence of Castiel’s anger. “S-Stop.” I pushed my chair out towards the edge of the porch. He continued his violent assault on the man, as I gripped the railing trying to use my weak legs. “Castiel!” 

“Dean, stay back!” Bobby called, but the rain didn’t help when my hand slipped, and I only tumbled down the four steps directly into Castiel’s back. Oh yeah. I was going to hurt tomorrow. The second I touched him, my arms wrapped around his waist and I buried my face into his back. Castiel...stopped instantly at my touch, his arm still up in the air to deliver another blow. 

“It’s okay...It’s okay…” I breathed nuzzling into his back, Castiel hesitantly looked over his shoulder at me, before he glanced down at the man tossing him back into the mud like trash. 

Before he stood, careful with me, as he picked me up from the stairs. My arms moved around him on instinct as he carried me back to the house. He didn’t say anything to Bobby or Benny who moved to collect the man from the mud, before he set me down into my wheelchair and led me back inside. 

Once through the door, I turned to look at him, as he turned towards the door closing and locking it. 

“We need to call the police-” I stated with a trying to think rationally, only to have my voice cut up as Castiel grabbed me by the waist pulling me from my chair and into a hard kiss. I sucked in air as I felt his arms around my waist keeping me up, before I slowly started to react to the kiss. I let out the breath, as one arm slung over Castiel’s neck and the other cupped his face. 

My fingers tickled by that beard I liked. 

Our lips moved against each other’s though needy was slow and easy, so lost in Castiel I hadn’t realized his slow heavy walking to his bedroom. Till I was shoved back colliding with the bed, I sat up slightly on my elbows, I wanted to protest. I was soaked and muddy from the storm. We needed to change, we needed to shower, however when Castiel’s hand slid under his shirt. Pulling the wet muddy top from his chest, he let it drop to the floor. I stared at his body, which I liked to stare at when he thought I wasn’t looking but now. He was inviting me to stare at his chest dripping from being in the rain. I held my breath when he slowly climbed onto the bed, Over me. 

I lowered myself back with his movement over me, my hand cupped his face again. Sliding my fingers over his beard, as we eyed each other. Thoughts lost to me, when I leaned up pressing my lips against his. Inviting what was to come. It was needy, the kisses almost made him feel as though he was drowning in every new sensation. His calloused fingers tugging me free of my clothes, one by one. Almost as though I was fragile, like I would break with one touch, as he trailed his lips down and up my skin.

_Then I realized I was fragile._

_How much I had shattered._

_How I was held together by bits, pieces and at this point I wasn’t sure if there was anything left that could be salvageable. I was no longer anything. I was the hollow remnants of a Dean Winchester. When my family had died. I had died too._

_I was broken._

_I was fragile._

My fingers tug needingly gripping at Castiel’s belt as I stared into his eyes with ragged breaths against his lips, not really paying attention to what I was doing. Ultimately achieving my goal, as I slid his pants and underwear in one effort past his ass. He grunted at my hand, which slid against his exposed ass, which I had given it a firm grip. Taking his time to slid down the remainder of his clothes, before his hungry lips pressed against my neck. Still soft, still so slow. 

He touched me and I let out a mixture grunt moan in his ear, taking his time to touch me. My heightened breath was his reactions to his beautiful hands on my body. Every bit of his skin against mine was like my cells collided with the feeling of life and excitement. 

_I forgot how it felt to be awakened._

_To be excited._

_To be nervous._

_Castiel made all these emotions I never thought I could feel again._

_How I prayed for death before Castiel rushed inside panting into my hospital room._

_Now however? I now no longer know what I want._

I let out a ragged pained whimper, as Castiel breathed against my neck pressing his lips against it. Remembering how in every movie ever, they weren’t wrong about first times. Castiel was so kind to him. Had done everything he could to prepare my body, and was continuing to care for it with loving kisses and soft breaths while I adjusted. 

_How could he do this to me?_

I yanked him back into a harsh kiss, my arms wrapping around his neck, as he got the hint. His calloused hands moved to grip my hips, moving for the first time. I paused the kiss to moan and gasp before crashing my lips against his.

_You fucking bastard_

My fingers dug into his back, as he held me rougher than before, god I needed that more than anything. 

_Do you understand what you’ve done?_

I broke the kiss to moan loudly as sweat spilled down our skin, and I could do nothing more than hold the headboard, gripping and tracing the designs with my finger. Before Castiel’s fingers slowly got my hand back down, tangling it into his grip, pinning it against the sheets.

_Giving me a reason to want to live..._

“H-Harder.” I breathed as he held my chin up in his hands, giving hickeys on my neck as he rocked deeper, but carefully giving me what I wanted. I felt my nails scratching against Castiel’s back, and he moaned at that. Loving every touch I did to his body. 

_I’m becoming divided._

“Dean.” He breathed against my lips, as I yanked him needingly into another kiss. Our tongues sliding against each other’s mouths like we needed each other to breathe.

_Stop saying my name. Stop saying it like that. Saying it like you’re falling for me. Or I mean the world to you. Stop. Shut up._

“T-There!” I find myself gasping without the ability to control myself, as I arch my back. My thighs swishing his hips out of pleasure and need. He listened. Then Again. Why am I surprised?

_I want to be with my family..._

Castiel pulled back to look into my eyes, as we grew close. I didn’t need to be an expert to know it. My lip breathing hard against his, as Castiel’s eyes slid over my freckles. Taking in whatever detail he decided to settle on before my orgasm.

_...But I want to be...with you?_

I could feel my whole both shutter at my climax, and I close my eyes to it for a second feeling my body craving the feeling my body had been without. 

_My choice was so much easier, before I met you._

When he came, I was enjoying the last second high of my own, I had no idea why I decided in the high of your bodies climax to press easy small fluttering kisses on his bearded chin. I can’t help but think how bad that idea is, but I can’t help it. I want to touch you. I want to feel your cells awaken from me, just as my body awakens from you. 

_Now...would they hate me...if I wasn’t sure anymore?_

He collapsed besides me, not wanting to force his weight on me. Though in the height of it I was totally okay if he did. He didn’t. I was cool with it. 

I studied his face as he looked up at ceiling, wondering what he was thinking as I tried to catch my breath. His face erupted in the cutest smile, so big, so loving. Like it made him the happiest man in the world. 

You cute little shit. 

When his laughter starts up, I can’t help but laugh with him. Laughing for no other reason but his stupid giddy laughter. He looks at me, and I remember. I am the reason for it. I’m the reason for his stupid smile.

“Sorry.” He breathed running his fingers through his hair. “I just couldn’t help it.” I smile unsure what he was laughing at. 

“I-It’s cool.” I panted, unsure what to do after sex. I mean… 

He stares at me in the eyes for a long time, and I softly smile back. Do we dare even bring up what this was? Would we even be ready for it if we did? 

We stayed silent, letting our breaths catch up to each other, as we continue to study each other. Castiel’s fingers hesitantly reached out, sliding some hair out of my face, almost as though the intimate touch like that was taboo, but sex? Well, totally cool. 

I smiled at him softly, neither of us seemed to know what to do. I guess this was because we didn’t have a word to explain what that was. What this was. Why we had felt our bodies in that way. 

Whatever it was, I had admit how much I enjoyed it….

He grabbed my face softly, cupping it tenderly in both hands leading my face closer as scooted closer to him. Allowing any distance we had between us to be lost, as he slowly lowered his lips on mine softly. I closed my eyes softly, enjoying the ever so soft kisses exchanged between us. Allowing those lips and calloused fingers to lead me into dreams for the first time, weren’t of my pain or the lost of my family. 

They were of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some of Dean's Art:
> 
>  
> 
>   
> 


	6. Million miles away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 

I woke up to him, the sheets tangled around my waist and his beard tickling against my neck. 

I woke up to him. 

“Hungry?” He whispered against my neck, the second after my eyes opened from deep sleep. His soft fingers slid around my hip gripping it, and I could almost feel him keeping me grounded. Proving to me this was no dream.

I nodded, he smiled. Pulling away he stood sliding on his boxers, I turned to watch. Taking in his form, I wondered if my father would disapprove of him. A man who seemed never to have worked hard for anything before. Calluses make a man my father would tell me. 

Castiel stuck out his tongue making a funny face, as I smiled into my hand shying my face from him slightly into the pillow, before he leaned down pressing a kiss against my cheek. 

My mother would approve. 

He makes me laugh.

________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We ate in silence, as I watched him chew focusing on the newspaper. He chomped loudly, as he ate at his breakfast of pancakes, eggs, hashbrowns and bacon. I liked the orange juice the most, though, not to discredit his cooking. The smell reminded me of home, and the fact that Castiel had squeezed every single orange with care this morning with my help and with light back and forth teasing did help make it...more than just orange juice. 

“Jody said Charlie wants to play later...” Castiel chewed as I slathered my hash browns with ketchup. 

“Oh, so you talked to Jody?” I asked, as Castiel swallowed down the food. 

“Yeah. Why?” Castiel wiped his mouth though his beard contained some traces of food. I pulled my eyes away from it to stare into his eyes. 

“I was just curious about the guy.” I stated, as Castiel looked confused. “The one from last night.”

“O-Oh.” Castiel choked out with a awkward smile. “What about him?”

“Who was he?” I asked as Castiel licked his lips. 

“Just some drunk from a nearby farm.” Castiel shoveled food into his mouth.

“Oh...Okay.” I picked up his fork again. “...Did they call the cops?” 

“What?” Castiel spoke his mouth full.

“....Did they call the cops.” I repeated slowly as Castiel suddenly nodded. 

“Yeah, the cops picked him up last night.” Castiel stated, as I blinked. Castiel...didn’t remember the guy but...he knew he was picked up by the cops? 

“...Okay.” I stated. Was he over thinking things? Why...did he get the feeling Castiel was lying to him. “You...got something on your face.” I reached over cleaning out Castiel’s beard, before Castiel grabbed my hand kissing my palm. I smiled softly into it. 

Why would the idiot lie?

__________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Dean!” Charlie laughed as she ran around the tall grass around me as I sat on the picnic blanket Castiel had brought out for me. He had asked if I wanted to try walking again. I again avoided the question. I didn’t think I could anyway. 

I watched Charlie bolting around me, her smile vibrant and beautiful. She reminded me so much of Jo, that I could almost forget for a second. Forget my sister would never make it to her age. Forget my sister would never be more than anything but a memory. 

I smile, as she hands me a flower, I take it with a smile pressing it to my nose before looking back towards the house. Normally I’d fine Castiel leaning against the porch watching me. Smiling softly as Charlie played with me. But sometimes…

My eyes slid up to the second story, where Castiel disappeared some hours of the day, mostly when I was occupied with Benny or Charlie. Sometimes even Jody when she showed me how to carve wood or bobby showed me how to cook. When I was busy he slips away. I wonder sometimes what he does up there, he said work. Though I have never gotten an answer out of him. 

“Charlie. Do you know what he does up there?” I asked as the wind picked up, and Charlie took a seat in front of me. 

“We’re not allowed to say.” Charlie stated, pouring some of her water from her tea pot into small plastic cups. 

“What...do you mean, you aren’t allowed to say.” I asked as she shrugged. 

“Charlie. Lunch.” Jody called from her front porch, as Charlie stood.

“Coming.” Charlie stated, as she started to run towards her mother. I blinked questionably at her words, before looking up to the second story window. The curtain moved as though someone was looking out, I felt a feeling I never felt in this place. In this home. Unease.

_____________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

I sat on the porch looking out at the fence, watching as the whole singer family walked through the fog and past the white gate, the one always opened. I eyed them curiously, as Charlie jumping up and down as Benny held her hand. Laughing and talking with her family before they disappeared into the forest. 

“Beautiful view.” Castiel stated, making me turn to look at him. He gave me a smile, as he moved up a chair to sit next to me. 

“You see the same view we see all the time.” I spoke with a soft smile.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t make it not beautiful.” Castiel hummed, his fingers touched my neck and I leaned into them contently. I felt his lips touch my neck, and that beard I started to adore slid against my neck. I closed my eyes, when he paused hesitantly pulling back. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing...W-What makes you say-” I turned my head, but the second he locked eyes with mine I paused my words. I searched his eyes as though they may be my answer but they spoke nothing. “...What do you do...upstairs when I am not here?” His blue eyes blinked at mine before a soft smile spread across his face.

“Is that it?” He asked softly. I nodded, as he pressed a kiss to my forehead, he stood before going inside. It wasn’t long before Castiel returned downstairs, holding a wooden duck, half painted. I hesitantly took it, I smiled to myself. “Don’t laugh.” 

“I-I’m not laughing.” I tried to suppress my laughter. 

“It’s a hobby.” Castiel defended. 

“So you run off upstairs to paint ducks?” I teased sliding my hand over the wood. 

“I also carve them. All my tools are upstairs, and most are heavy machines.” Castiel sat down in the chair. “So I can’t work on them down here, This ones almost done, so I was making some more while you played.” 

“...I would like to see your workshop.” I smiled taking his hand, as he kissed it. Castiel’s beard tickled my hand and I smiled bigger at it. 

“How about this. When you can walk up those stairs, I’ll show you.” Castiel stated. My smile faded. How could I walk again? 

“...The doctor said I will never walked again.” I breathed. 

“They said you might not walk.” Castiel stated. “How will you not know if you do not try.” 

“...” I said nothing, as Castiel brushed some hair out of my face. 

“We can start of small. We can start by stretching your muscles and when you're ready we can try baby steps okay?” Castiel stated as I nodded hesitantly, before looking down at the duck.

“May I keep it?” I asked, the duck was beautiful, even when not complete.

“As soon as I finish it will be yours.” Castiel stated, as he held his hand out for the duck. “A painting for a duck. Deal?” 

“...Deal.” I smile before offering him the duck, Castiel stood ruffling my hair before he set the duck on the table before he took the wheelchair leading me inside. “Come on, let me draw you a bath while I get dinner started, huh?” I don’t object.  
________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes when I’m dreaming, It’s after the car accident. Bleeding and lying on the ground before I passed out. Other times, I’m sitting in the car again. 

“MOOOOOOOM!” Adam screamed as Sam and him shoved at each other in the middle seats, fighting over the dvd choices for the trip to the beach. I watched sighing from me being the only one in the back seat, as Jo added to the noise. Crying in need over her stuffed rabbit which was accidentally packed with the beach stuff without thinking about it. 

“Sam, Adam!” His mother called, as the boys stopped shoving each other. “Knock it off!” 

“Hey, Dean? Can you reach the bunny?” John called, as I looked behind me, turning I eyed the stuff. A mixture of beach toys, and chairs. I spotted the bunny just below it all. I leaned down but the second before my fingers would reach, my seatbelt stopped me cold. I grunted in pain. Trying one more time before I unbuckled my seatbelt. Finally able to obtain the bunny without restriction. 

“Dean, honey, don’t take off your seatbelt. We will just pull over.” Mary called, as she turned to look at him. 

“I already got it, mom.” I stated, turning to sit. I reached over Sam and Adam, placing the bunny into Jo’s hands, who calmed at the bunny instantly. 

“Here you go, joey.” I breathed softly watching Jo squeeze the doll close. 

“HONEY LOOK OUT!” Mary screamed as John slammed on the breaks, as I felt myself moving forward without choice. It felt like slow motion with zero gravity. Everything became silent, and all I could remember was watching the glass coming closer. Till my hand tried to brace my fall as my hands collided with the glass.

 

Then I remember it is a dream when I don’t hit glass, but find myself colliding with water. I hear my body collide with it. The water surrounding me. I don’t remember this in any of my dreams before. My eyes glance around the water, empty and blue. There’s nothing around me or below me. Being a water nymph, water is normally my friend, but something feels...wrong about this water. I don’t dare breathe it in. When I notice the bright light above me, I kick my legs and move towards it. 

I break water, I take in the air I know is safe and I take in my surrounds as I wipe my face of the water to see. Stone surrounds me, circling me. I cough, as I glance around quickly. Where was I? I touch the wall, feeling the cold stone against my hands. Feeling the moss. Was I in a well? 

“H-Hello!” I cough, my breathes frantic, as I try to see my options of getting out. “HELLO!” I call, as I move across the wall, hoping to get my footing on a ledge or a step. 

When my hand touches something that pokes me, I yank back. Pausing as my eyes took in the stone, there were multiple deep scratches into the stone. I slid my fingers across it, pausing when I noticed what poked me. I slowly pulled it out to look at it, but drop it when I realize what it was. A Fingernail?! I scream.  
_________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

I startle awake and sit up, glancing around I am in Castiel’s bed. I panted, feeling sweat spilling down my body as I ran my fingers through my hair. I reach my hand out to touch him, ever since I slept with him. I had opted to sleep in his room every night. I pause when I realize he wasn’t in bed with me. I notice the door to the bedroom is cracked a bit, and I pull my chair over. It takes me a moment to get situated enough to climb into it. 

I wheeled myself to the door, pushing it open before rolling myself through. I could hear my wheelchair clicking against the wooden slightly uneven floor. It reminded me of a card pinned to a bike wheel, which was something Sam loved to do to all his bikes. I noticed the light in the kitchen on. The idiot was getting a midnight snack, I rolled my eyes, about to come out of the hall when his voice made me stop.

“We can’t afford another slip up.” Castiel stated, leaning back in his chair talking to someone out of my view. “You have to accompany them.”

“It was a accident.” Bobby’s voice spoke up. “The kids allowed to make mistakes.” 

“That’s why you go out with them. That’s why you help them through it.” Castiel chewed on his finger nails. “I thought I was clear.” 

“He wanted to try alone.” Jody sighed. “How are we supposed to wean them off our help?”

“Do you have to try to wean them while _He’s_ here?” Castiel rubbed his face, groaning at the words. He? Did he meant me? 

“Forgive me, but I believe the only reason we are here talking about this. Is because of young babe being here.” Bobby cleared his throat, as Castiel sat up running his fingers through his hair. 

“He’s still innocent. I want to keep him that way.” Castiel spoke with a sigh. 

“But for how long? I hate to be the barer of bad news, but when your brother finds out about our fair maiden-” Bobby started but Castiel slammed his hand on the counter while standing. 

“He will **NOT** find out!” Castiel growled, in the anger similar to the one he saw when the stranger had tried to get in. I jumped at his anger, knocking the coat rack with my chair. “I...won’t let him. Not again.” The coat rack hit hard, and I cringed at the noise, as the sound of chairs scraping had moved to check the noise. Shit, he was going to know I was listening. “D-Dean?” I glanced up as I rubbed my eyes, pretending he had hit it while half asleep. 

“Cas?” I mumbled, blinking up at him innocently. Damn, I was good at this. I should have been a actor. Castiel kneeled down cupping my face. 

“What are you doing out of bed?” Castiel asked with care. 

“I was hungry…” I breathed with a fake yawn. “I just wanted a snack…but I just broke things instead.” 

“It’s fine…” Castiel chuckled, as he kissed his forehead before he picked me up. “How about I get you back into bed, and whip you up something?” Hook, line and sinker. 

“I’d like that very much.” I yawned this time for real as he carried me back to my room. Maybe I was way too good for this acting thing. I think I even convinced myself I was hungry and tired. I happily awaited my midnight snack. While I thought over what he said, His brother? Find out about me? What did he mean by that?

Castiel returned, the house lights dark when he came in, which meant that Jody and bobby had gone home. Castiel handed me my plate of cookies and Ice cream which I happily partook of. Even with the evening surrounded in mystery. I was still able to enjoy cookies and Ice cream. 

“Hey.” Castiel asked as I was halfway through a monster bite of this shit. “You okay? I know you weren’t hungry, you were sweaty and panicked. Did you have a bad dream?” Busted. His eyes were on me as I hesitantly nodded. Why was it when he spoke it was like he was breaking my very being down and seeing me for me. He always seemed to see through me when I was pretending. 

“...I had a dream...about the car accident again.” I lied. I expected him to call me out, but I was already in tears remembering the well I had gotten stuck in. 

“Come here.” He breathed as I moved the food away, to curl up in his lap. He held me in his arms and I felt safe. I felt at home. Yet, there was so many reasons, so many secrets that should keep me from trusting this man I still did. “I’m here okay? I’m always here.” I broke down in tears and snot. He wiped them away so tenderly, as he laid back on the bed to hold me, I don’t remember when I started to doze...but when I did, I did not dream of the well. 

__________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

Paint slid down my arm as I worked on my painting of Castiel, breakfast being munched on as we sat on the porch, enjoying the morning air. Castiel was attempting to throw off my concentration and grace with my paintbrush by his faces. I cracked a smile, as I tried to not let it show how it was effecting me. It was. It was hard not to smile or laugh with Castiel. When he laughed, the whole world caved and shook at the laughter just to join in on it. Addicting and beautiful like a wave before it crashes against the rocks.

“You’re rather playful this morning.” I comment. He smiles.

“You are going to try to walk today, right?” He stated. I raised an eyebrow. 

“I remember agreeing to massages.” I slid the brush against the canvas. “I remember promising to eventually try to walk when I was ready.” 

“That’s good enough for me.” Castiel laughed. “I love to see you walk again.” I blushed deeply at that as I tried to keep my eyes focused to the painting. That L word...I blushed at the idea of that strong of an emotion being used towards me. 

_______________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

I sat on the picnic table, Castiel this time accompanying Charlie and I on one of our playdates. He kept cracking jokes, Charlie kept finding them not funny and kept telling him to take tea time seriously. Castiel kept apologizing and not meaning it. I thought it was funny though.

“Did you bring a date to our tea party, Mr. Snuggles?” Charlie asked Castiel raised an eyebrow. 

“I didn’t know I needed one.” Castiel mumbled. “I could hire one if it makes you feel better.” I laughed. She didn’t. “Tough crowd.” Castiel joked. I again laughed.

“You need a date or your uninvited.” Charlie stated putting a hand on her hip. 

“Whoa Since when do you need a date?” I asked, as she eyed Castiel. 

“Since he’s unfunny.” Charlie stated, as I laughed at the very blunt comment, Castiel pouted. 

“I’m super funny.” Castiel whined.

“And super alone.” Charlie took the teacup from him and waved him bye. 

“You heard the lady. Bye, Mr. Snuggles.” I snort, Castiel raises an eyebrow at me flirtingly. 

“Jokes on you, but I have a date.” Castiel stated, to both of us but he was looking at me,

“Oh really?” I...wow, I think I’m flirting. I just eyed him and everything. Did I also slightly bite my lip? 

“Yeah, oh really!” Castiel snorted, as he reached down grabbing a daisy, he made it into a circle, tying the end before he took my hand. “May I introduce you to my husband…” He stated as he slid it onto my finger. “Mr. Snuggles.” He laughed, but when he met my eyes the laughter stopped. Our eyes searching each others. 

Why….

I felt him slowly slid his fingers up my palm to hold my hand. 

...did that take my breath away…

“Nuh-uh!” Charlie stated, as we turned away from each other, now focused on charlie. “He’s not your husband.”

“Yeah he is.” Castiel retorted without failure, as I tried to compose myself from the...pounding in my chest.

“Prove it.” Charlie stuck out her tongue.

“How?” Castiel raised an eyebrow.

“Kiss!” Charlie stated as our eyes met again, with slighter surprise. 

“Fine.” Castiel stated, as he smiled at me. I went red, the idea of kissing Castiel so...openly. I felt him lean in...was it odd...I was leaning in too?

Rain fell onto us, which Caused Charlie to scream at the sudden weather change, I gasped in surprise as Castiel let out laughter. Charlie bolted towards her home, as Castiel scooped me up slowly carrying me towards the house despite my protests. Yeah. Welcome to being soaked. 

However, entering the house. I hadn’t expected when he let me down suddenly, to press me into a hard kiss. I moaned into it, my arms wrapping around his neck he picked me up. My legs wrapped around his waist in response, as Castiel pinned me against the front door. His fingers slipping under my clothes in attempt to free me of them. I was happy to free him too.  
_______________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I break water, of my dream again, I found myself once again in the bottom of the well. Wiping my eyes of the water, I glanced around again. Taking in details. The nail wasn’t there anymore. So...did this count as a recurring dream? Everything was the same up to this point….

“Hello!” I called, as I glanced up the hole. The ceiling, there...was ceiling. Wooden. The light I had saw...it was a lightbulb from a lamp. The well was inside? “Hello!” 

The well water wasn’t too far from the rim, but the bottomless floor and zero footing would have made it impossible to climb up. I gripped some stones with the very bit of my fingers as I attempted to hoist myself up, but I only crashed down into the water with sore fingers. The third attempt, I had hit myself back against the stone wall. Hitting my elbow which caused my eyes to water. 

“HELLO!” I cried in desperation, when I felt something slid against my bare foot. I jumped moving close to the wells wall. Something….touched me...but….there was no floor for me to have grazed my foot upon…. “HELLO! SOMEONE!” I screamed. 

When the water around me started to bubble, I glanced down at it to see the water was no longer blue but blood red, the water being thick as blood. I started to panic, I screamed, when the sound of what sounded like footsteps running up something gained my attention from somewhere away. Hands shot up from the red ooze, grabbing my arms and feet. All trying to drag me under. 

“HELP ME!” I screamed as my hand shot out as they pulled me under. I was surprised as my hand started to go under, a hand had reached down grabbing from the top of the well.  
____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

I was forced out of the water, as I gasped for air. Panting and whimpering, as Castiel held my hand, the other cupped my face. I blinked as water got in my eyes, blinking them away when I realized I was in the bath, and not in a well. I glanced around in a panic, as Castiel let go of my hand to hold my face with both hands. 

“Dean! A-Are you alright?!” He asked, I took a moment to respond. It wasn’t real. It was just a dream. I broke down sobbing, as Castiel rubbed my back, holding me tightly despite me wetting his clothes. He never let me go. 

__________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

“What do you want for Dinner?” Castiel drummed his way to the kitchen as I sat in a bathrobe and slippers in my wheelchair. “Pizza, three week old Turkey, or veggies.” 

“Pizza.” I laughed, as he winked. 

“You got it. The best and most awesome homemade pizza coming up from the sexiest chief.” He smiled. I laughed. I shook my head when he rounded the corner. I rubbed my neck, covered in his hickeys. In his marks from our second time of sex...It was odd how natural it was being so intimate with him. How I loved every second of it, full of laughter and silly stupid moments that I couldn’t help but crave….I touched my lips. How silly I was throwing around the L word about it...about him. 

I paused when a water droplet spilled onto my hand, I glanced up to where the water drop had come from. Seeing it had come from the ceiling. The walls seemed unaffected by the drop, but when another drop touched my hand, I stared at it curiously. Where...was the water coming from…? If it was a leak from the roof from the rain, wouldn’t it show signs of a leak? Discoloration? Something? But...the odd thing about this...was it wasn’t a area where the ceiling could leak...this...was coming from the second floor. 

A knock made me jump, as the storm outside blew and the rain pelted the glass.

The water wasn’t the only weird thing I found myself welcomed to.

Castiel moved to the door, pulling it open with care, stopping when his eyes landed on the gentlemen at the door.

_We had a visitor._


	7. Next to me, next to me you are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 

The man.

 

My eyes slid up the stranger, a hand on his cane, I saw a smile form on the stranger's face as he glanced over Castiel. Too close to the look of a wolf preparing for the slaughter. The man was about as old as Castiel though I felt as though he was older. His beard laying traces of the age he didn’t show otherwise. 

His suit, reminded me more as someone who dressed for a garden party instead of a visit. The light grey suit with a light golden vest underneath and tie made me question if he was lost. He must be. Too fancy for the likings of us. 

I wondered only for a moment if the man ever hungered. Ever went a night cold or struggled to achieve something. I knew better. Even from here I could see his uncalloused hands.

“Leave.” Castiel’s voice started me out of my thoughts, and I for a second remembered where I was. That I was sitting in the hall, watching the stranger glance over Castiel. I noticed the movement of Castiel trying to fill more space than he could, as though trying to use himself to block the way. 

“Is that anyway to treat your dear brother.” The man asked. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.

“Leave.” Castiel spoke stronger, his grip on the door tightened and I almost for a moment debated if the wood could withstand him. I could almost feel the wood groan at his grip. 

“In this storm? Dear brother, I’m afraid not.” He moved past Castiel as though Castiel’s very body caved to his whim. Moving out of the way, the man took off his hat, shaking the water onto the floor with no care as to who will clean it up. “Besides I heard a little flutter of an acquaintance of ours staying with you.” 

He focused on Castiel, but I knew better. He was as though...mocking our very selves. Talking as though he knew little. He knew I was there. Just as I knew this man was a force stronger than the storm outside. I for a moment debated if it was wiser to be out there than in with him.

He sunk his cane into a large vase, uncaring for the plant that laid inside. He shoved off his wet coat, he made himself at home without the invitation. I expected more of a fight out of Castiel to stop this, but he knew better too. 

The stranger once free of everything wet, fixed his tie in the mirror, taking care in appearance before his eyes actually moved to me. Showing me almost how little of importance I was for a man I never met.

“You must be Dean.” The stranger smirked striding over to me, and I for the moment remember I am in nothing but a bathrobe. I clamp the robe closer to my body, as he bent down at the waist to be in contact with me. Almost as an insult to injury, he seemed as though he wouldn’t kneel to anyone. He bends to talk like he was scolding a child. I prefer kneeling. “I’m Crowley, Castiel’s brother.” 

I wonder for a second if I should introduce myself out of habit for introductions but I can already see he is taking in my hickies and my love marks from Castiel. I pull the robe closer and he smirks at my attempt to hide them before standing up again. This time addressing Castiel. 

“Been a long time brother.” Crowley strides away from me, messing with his cuff links. 

“Not long enough.” Castiel spoke. He is angry. I can almost taste it. But his voice is calm and I for a moment can almost believe it.

“Now now, you can’t hog him forever.” Crowley clicked his tongue. “But I’m sure he’s bored by the stories you have spoiled to him about his mother. My stories may only pale in comparison.” 

“W-...Wait you know my mother?” I spoke. Castiel turned and looked, almost killing me for speaking. Crowley smirked as he plopped onto the couch, putting his feet up. 

“Of course, I’m your father.” Crowley spoke, before he giggled to himself at his mistake. “I mean, God father.” 

“R-Really? You were that close?” I ask, as I wheel myself only a bit closer. I wasn’t afraid to swim in shark infested waters, but I knew better than to get too close. He sat up, bending at the waist to be face to face.

“Yes, Your mother Sarah and I were close.” He stated, as I made an obvious face. 

“My...Mother’s name is mary.” I spoke, he turned and blinked before he smiled softly.

“Ah, yes...That’s her name.” Crowley spoke, with a soft smile on his face. My eyes search his as he blinked ever so innocently at me. I know better. I can’t help the glare of distrust in my face. He speaks to me as though I’m drowning...and he has the last life preserver. “I was just teasing-.”

“May we talk.” Castiel’s voice not so much asking as demanding, he pulled our gazes away. 

“Of course.” Crowley sighs as he stands again, and follows Castiel upstairs. I can’t help but watch them till they disappear into the room directly over head. I slowly hesitate before I start pushing myself towards Castiel’s room. This time. My curiosity didn’t win as I closed the door.  
___________________________________________________ 

 

 

 

Paint slides down my arm as I focus on my painting, Castiel keeps pulling my focus but I keep trying to sink myself into it. Castiel’s hand slides against my spine and I pause. My smile moving to him as though I needed nothing else. The touch is only a second before Crowley’s presence back into the room after his shower makes Castiel’s hand hesitantly pull away. 

“That was quite lovely.” Crowley spoke, as he walked over to my painting eyeing it. “My did you do this?” I want to make a sarcastic comment but I don’t. 

“Yes.” I answer instead as the wolf in sheep's clothing slides fingers over the dry area of my canvas. 

“Beautiful.” He speaked. The first words I actually believe since I met him. “...Horrid choice in canvas’.” Castiel says nothing as he washes the dishes unphased by the comment I know he heard. I bite my tongue. “...Tell me, what can I do to commission a painting from you.” 

I pause my paint brush as I turn to look at him, I see something I did not expect from the man I didn’t know much about. Tenderness.

“Um...I never…” I glance at Castiel taken back, but he is staying out of this. Focusing on the dishes and china he took care in to wash every week. “Thought...about selling these.” 

“Name your price.” Crowley states as I blink still taken back. “How much do you think they are worth?”

“...I don’t...see them worth anything.” I turn looking back to the painting of Castiel, a snort behind me makes me search the painting for something I don’t see. Something that makes these worth anything. I don’t. “You could have a painting for free if you’d like.”

“...How about this.” Crowley leans against my wheelchair, and the chair creaks at the nose. I don’t dare turn to look at him as his words whispered against my ear. “I’ll owe you one…and I think that, this favor might come in handy one day.”

His words send a chill down my spine, and I for a moment believe as though he could predict the stars and planets. That he knew the favor and the reason I would cash it in. However, such knowledge is beyond even me and I hesitantly nod letting out a shaky breath. Crowley smirks before he pulls away, eyeing Castiel before he makes his way down the hall.

______________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

Castiel’s hands are soft. 

He cradles me in his arms as he sleeps, his face buried into my neck as he refuses to let me go. I noticed the change in him with The man arriving. Castiel’s touches less, and almost as though forbidden. However I still sleep in his room, and he still holds me at night. I have never seen him like this. Distance. Scared. He holds me as though I’m fragile and I have to remind myself that I am. However, I am reminded that maybe I’m not the only one.

 

________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I am with Crowley, Castiel excuses himself to go upstairs. I don’t ask, though I do everything in me not to try to hold him. Not to try to nuzzle into his warmth and get him to talk to me. However, I have the feeling that even if I did, he wouldn’t talk to me about what’s going on. 

Crowley leans back against the chair Castiel had given him so he could sit while I paint him. I eye him as I lay out my paints. Crowley watches me unreadable no matter how much I try.  
“How do you like it here?” He speaks and I almost squirt out more of my paint then intended. “Living with my brother?” 

“I like it. It’s nice.” I spoke, running my fingers through my hair. Wasn’t expecting the conversation, though I should have in the long run. 

“Just like?” He asks. I eyed him. 

“I feel as though it’s none of your business.” I look away as I focus on dipping my paintbrush in water.

“I’m just trying to get a feel of your life here.” He spoke glancing around the house. 

“I insist you don’t.” I say with more confidence than I had. Crowley’s eyes slid over me before he leaned back against the chair. 

“A answer for an answer then.” Crowley stated, as I glanced him over, starting on his form. “We can stop the game at any time, and when the game is over we don’t have to answer anymore questions till the next day. Fair?” I stop, looking at him.

“Why do you even care?” I asked annoyed He smirked at the question.

“Because everyone has a choice, Dean. Even if they do not realize it.” Crowley stated. “Are you happy here?”

“Yes. What do you mean choice?” I started to paint again, focusing on Crowley’s eyes.

“I’m just here to decide if you are making the decisions or if you are being manipulated into them.” Crowley stated. “Tell me, who initiated the relationship between my brother and you.”

_His head hesitantly turned back to look at mine, as I sat up to meet his movement. My eyes scanned his face almost instantly like the moment would have been lost. When I leaned in pressing my lips to his, the kiss was soft. The feeling of warmth against my lips made my cold skin feel almost warm by association._

“I did.” I spoke with confidence. “It was my choice alone, I was the one that started it.” 

“Hm.” He stated, as he eyed me. “If you had a choice, would you stay here with Castiel or be with your family once again?”

“...What kind of question is that?” I pause as he smiled softly. 

“If given the choice to stay here with him, or a life with your family. What would you choose?” He repeated, it took me a moment to function and realize his words. Why would he ask that? My family or...Cas? I felt as though the question would be simple but I only felt sick. 

“I-....I don’t want to play anymore.” I breathed, moving my hands to move my wheels, I quickly moved myself away from him. He didn’t try to stop me. He just watched me as I rounded the corner. My whole world spinning, and before I could calm from my panic attack.

I had found myself in Castiel’s arms. Gripping him tightly as tears spilled down my face. He nuzzled into my warmth and I could only cry. I don’t know know how I found myself in Castiel’s arms, but when I realized I had I didn’t want to let go as he lead us to our bedroom.

Placing me on the bed, he touched me so softly I had almost forgotten this tenderness, his finger tracing my neck and spine. Holding me as I cried against his chest listening to the pounding of his heart. Every so soft and slow against my ear, and I don’t know when I drift but I do clinging to Castiel as though I need him to be.

___________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was bleeding.

I could feel the glass shards under my hands as my hands instinctively moved to close in it’s first attempts of movements. I couldn’t move anything else. With this movement I am reminded where I am. Laying out in the road after the accident. Remembering this scene in my dream. Though I’m not sure which i prefered, the well or this.

“You'll be okay. Hold the cloth. I'm sorry. I... Didn't mean to cause any of this.” He ripped his shirt, and pressed the cloth against my neck, forcing my hand up against it. I couldn’t do much but lay my hand lifelessly against it, his hand doing all of the pressure. “I’m sorry, man. I-I got kids.”

He breathed as he stood abruptly, glancing around before he bolted out of view. I stared at my family's car in silence, unlike the real memory, I don’t try to call out to the car. I don’t try anything. I feel blood spilling into my fingers from the shirt I held pressed against my neck. The blood was warm in my fingers, and the blood almost stung to feel in my cuts in my hand. 

My vision was fading in and out, as the dream continued, i...don’t ever remember the dream ever getting this far. I must have passed out sometime in the memory, because when I blink I find bright lights of police cars somewhere out of my vision of view. I want to lick my lips, but I am too weak to move. I feel a touch against my neck to where the man had pressed the cloth to it. 

My visions too blurry to make out the person, they hold my hand that laid weakly against my neck. 

“It’s okay.” Their voice sounds so familiar. “I got you…” 

__________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

I startle myself awake, contently buried in Castiel’s arms. He held me all night…? I re close my eyes, before glancing at the nightstand, it was still so early in the morning. Castiel whispered half asleep as he slightly wakes himself when I startled awake. 

“Dean? Are you okay?” He whispers, as I eye his face before pressing him into a wanting kiss. He kisses back in slight surprise by the action, as my hand slid down his boxers. My fingers sliding around him, he lets out air in a moan. 

“Touch me.” I breathed, my fingers taking their time to slid around his shaft. Castiel holding my face in his hands as though he found his every breath in me. Before he kisses me hard, crawling on top of me. I can’t help moan into the kisses. Every touch. For the first time since the man showed up, I felt safe. With Castiel, I felt whole. Castiel needed me as much as I needed him. 

I felt it for the first time with the heated touches, with every kiss, with every soft touch, with his every being.

“I love you.” He whispers against my skin. “I love you so much.” Pressing kisses against every inch of my skin. The words spilling over me, and I can’t help but bring his lips towards mine.

“I...I love you too.” I whisper against his lips, tears of happiness spilling down my face as our lips met with a need I never felt before, as I hungry flipped him. Straddling him, riding him, as he thrusted up against me. His fingers sliding against my spine and I let out a louder moan than I intended, but he crushes his lips harder to mine to silence me.

_________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

The man was not pleased as I painted him the next day, his eyes sliding down the hickeys on my neck that I loved more than anything. I focused on the painting. I could see the white knuckled grip on his cane, as he took in each one. 

I for a fact, did not give a shit.

“My brother likes to mark you.” He spoke. “Like a cowboy with a hot iron. Trashy.”

“I like trashy.” I speak as I focus on his finer details of his face. He makes a face but doesn’t comment. Thunder booms outside, and I pause my brush to stare at the water move from it. The storm was going strong, I wonder how long it will keep going.

“You must get lonely here.” Crowley eyed the place. “Don’t you ever want to leave? To go explore the world?”

“No, I have everything I need here.” I dip my paint. 

“One day you will.” His voice is strong and almost like he is condescending. 

“Why do you care if I like it here or not.” I stop painting to look at him. “It is between Castiel and I alone.”

“That my dear is where you are wrong.” He states as he stands. “I am done for today.” I watch him leave, my eyes watching him as he walks upstairs to his guest bedroom. When the door slams, I angrily tossed my paints. 

__________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

I find myself colliding with water. I hear my body collide with it. When I swim bright light above me, I find myself once again in the well. I cough roughly, as he clear my face of water. I glance around calmer with the surrounding I have grown familiar to. 

“You have a job to do.” A voice echoes down below as I glance up. “An important one. This is only causing distraction.” 

This is the first time I have heard voices in this well. 

“My job is still my top priority.” A second voice echoes down, too distorted by the stone to make out.

“Don’t condescend me. It doesn’t matter. You knew the rules yet you broke them.” The first man spoke again.

“I never agreed to the rules!” The second voice snapped. “You and her did! It’s not my fault they chose me!” 

“You took them. You forced them.” The first voice corrected.

“I didn’t force anyone!” The second voice yelled. 

“You isolated them. You took them from all they knew. You kidnapped them. Yet, I am expected to believe it was consensual.” The first voice asked. 

“...I could say the same thing to you.” The second voice growled.

“Boss.” A voice, another person, spoke up. “We have another.”

“Toss them.” The second voice stated, his voice cold to it. A scream made me clamp to the wall as someone was shoved down the well. They collided into the water with a scream, and it took everything in me not to scream as well. I covered my mouth as he shot to the surface gasping and begging for air. The man gripped me at the first notice of my presence. 

“THAT BITCH WAS LYING! I HAD TO! I HAD TO GOUGE HER EYES OUT!” He screamed gripping me. “I HAD TO! NO ONE CHEATS ON ME!” His arms gripped mine so tightly I thought I would break. I squeezed my eyes shut.

___________________________________________________

 

 

 

I woke with a start alone in my bed, Castiel’s side empty as I covered my face, wiping the sweat from it. I was tired, even though I was sleeping. I felt tired. I sat up, moving to stretch when pains in my arms made me stop. I looked down to see bruises on my arms. Of hands gripping me...The ones from my dream?


	8. And if you're sitting right here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
> 

Sometimes I’m in the car. 

_“MOOOOOOOM!” Adam screamed as Sam and him shoved at each other in the middle seats, fighting over the dvd choices for the trip to the beach. I watched sighing from me being the only one in the back seat, as Jo added to the noise._

Sometimes I’m in the road.

_I could feel the glass shards under my hands as my hands instinctively moved to close in it’s first attempts of movements. I couldn’t move anything else._

_“You'll be okay. Hold the cloth. I'm sorry. I... Didn't mean to cause any of this.” He ripped his shirt, and pressed the cloth against my neck, forcing my hand up against it. I couldn’t do much but lay my hand lifelessly against it, his hand doing all of the pressure. “I’m sorry, man. I-I got kids.”_

Other times….I don’t know where I am. 

_I break water, I take in the air I know is safe and I take in my surrounds as I wipe my face of the water to see. Stone surrounds me, circling me. I cough, as I glance around quickly. I touch the wall, feeling the cold stone against my hands. Feeling the moss between my fingers._

But sometimes….

We are in Castiel’s bedroom, his fingers holding my neck as his beard slides against my skin leaving hot and breath filled kisses on his neck. I feel his muscular body press against my bare flesh and I could only moan at the touch of him. Our bodies moving as one, and suddenly I feel us falling back, and I am met with wet fresh grass against my back. 

The sun beautiful and the sky so blue, I put my hand up against the blinding sun. The rays gliding through my fingers, and his movement against me makes me hold him. My fingers go to dig into his back, as I feel him grip my thighs and I let out a loving laugh. Letting out rapid moans and gasps against his skin, I could hear his words. His I love yous, as I press kisses against his shoulder. 

When he pulls back to look at my face, he’s...different. Younger. A face of hope and...all I could think of how beautifully undamaged he looked. I cupped his face, feeling his beard against my skin and my eyes slid down to his shoulder, a tattoo of three bands down his arm stopping just before his elbow. I pause sliding my fingers over them, as he eyed me taking me in with love I always seen in his eyes before capturing my lips again in a loving needy kiss. 

____________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

I woke with a start sitting up, sweat dripping down my skin, I covered my face with my hands as I glanced around the room. Castiel was gone, and only the sunlight remained. I held myself where the bruises of handprints were fading, this unlike the well dream did not leave any marks. I took a deep breath, before I searched for my clothes on the floor. I reached for boxers I was able to reach from the bed. Pulling it close I had realized they were Castiel’s, I smiled softly, as the door opened as Castiel popped his head in. 

I smile instantly, as Castiel wiggles his eyebrows.

“Morning beautiful.” Castiel hummed as I gave him a soft look. 

“Morn’n.” I breathed as I laid my head down on my knees holding them to my chest, as he smiled at me.

“I just made some breakfast, you hungry?” Castiel asked.

“Starv’n….You know, I had dream with you in it and in it you had a-” I laughed as he came in, I paused noticing the tattoo on his arm. He came in collecting the dirty clothes from the floor. “...When did you get a tattoo?” I questioned. Castiel gave me a look before glancing at his arm. He eyed me and the tattoo for a second, as though making sure that was what I was talking about. 

“Surprised you noticed this now...I’ve always had it.” Castiel glanced away as I gave him a questioning look, though I wanted to argue I didn’t. I smiled and shook my head.

“Sorry, I’m just tired.” I offered. He nodded hesitantly before he moved to put the clothes into the hamper. I must have just been. How could I have not noticed before? The nights I woken up from a dream and traced my eyes down his body as though I was trying to remember every little piece of him. I just must be tired. I smiled as he picked me up in his arms, and helped me change.

________________________________________________________

 

 

I jumped as the thunder boomed from outside, my focus so deeply on the painting, knocking my paint water onto the floor. Only Castiel reacted, unlike crowley who focused on the newspaper in front of him. Castiel grabbed a rag, moving to clean it up. 

“I-I’m so sorry.” I apologize, but he smiled and waved me off. The gesture made me feel more guilty, but after a couple ushers to continue painting. I did. Lost in the colors I was making on the canvas, and the silence of the room but I found myself stopping. I glanced over the painting taking in every second of it before I spoke. “...I’m done.” 

Castiel stopped what he was doing to look at me, and he threw the hand towel over his shoulder as he came to rejoin me. I felt his hand touch my shoulder, and the sudden need to rip up the painting came to mind. Burn it. Destroy it. It wasn’t worry of his eyes. It wasn’t worry of him. But tears filled Castiel’s eyes,I couldn’t help but turn to him as he stood straight and wiped them away. 

“I love it, Dean.” Castiel choked out. I smiled softly. “C...Can I really have it?” I nod, unable to bring myself to say the words, I got choked up from his emotions. “Now, I’ll have something to remember you.” He spoke, as he took the painting from the aisle, moving it to an empty spot on the wall. 

“W...What do you mean by that?” I asked. I noticed this got a reaction out of the man who bent the corner of the newspaper to look, as Castiel glanced at crowley as though searching for some sort of answer. 

“I meant...a memory of our time together.” Castiel spoke calmly as he hung it up. I hesitantly nodded, though he nor Crowley were paying attention any longer. I wanted to believe his words but part of me was...unsure. His words had made me uneasy, but the second he turned and looked at me with those loving eyes. I forgot them. His eyes making me forget the sinking feeling in my stomach.

I was okay with that. 

___________________________________________________________

 

 

I find myself colliding with water. I hear my body collide with it. The dream familiar to me in every aspect of my every being. The well always being above me. However, this time I found no end to the water as I swam. I could hear echos of words in the darkness as I swam.

“HE’S MY SON!” Someone screamed, a woman, I thought for a moment it was his mother's voice, but the voice wasn’t right. “YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO TAKE HIM!” 

“I DIDN’T TAKE HIM!” A voice. I knew this voice. “He came with me on my own accord!”

“LIES!” The woman screamed. “THIS IS ALL YOUR DOING! YOU’RE THE REASON HE’S GONE!”

“G-...Gone?...W-What...did you do….?” The familiar voice choked out as the woman breathed.

“What I had to, to keep him from you.” The woman hissed, just as I broke the surface.

__________________________________________________________

 

 

 

I shot awake, it was very late at night and I once again found myself covered in sweat. Covering my face, I shook violently, and the need to be sick made me swallow trying to keep myself from hurling, I moved as though to make it to the toilet. I didn’t make it. I fell to the floor at the first attempts of steps and lost everything I had eaten that day. I don’t know when Castiel was by my side but he didn’t yell at me or look disgusted. He just patted my back, soothing it with circles as I shook violently. The dream had made me feel so...sick. 

I started to cry, just wailing on the floor as he pulled me close. I don’t know why I cried. Or why the dream had made me break down. But I cried till I fell asleep in his arms. 

_____________________________________________________________________ 

 

 

When I woke the next morning, the throw up was gone and the house smelled sweet like home cooked cookies. I groaned as I rubbed my face, reaching over I pulled my wheelchair close. I grudgingly climbed into it with no will to change from my pajamas. I noticed how the spill was cleaned up like it never happened and I felt guilty again. Castiel goes through so much for me and I’m the one causing most of the drama. I closed my eyes before wheeling myself to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Glad my stomach was feeling ten times better. 

Coming out of the room, my smile faded when I rolled into the kitchen and saw no sign of Castiel. I blinked in surprise. This was the first time I wasn’t greeted by someone. I heard noises upstairs, and I paused at the sound of Bobby and benny.

“Good job kid.” Bobby stated, as I slowly backed more into the kitchen. 

“I-...I didn’t know that’s what happens.” Benny breathed running fingers through his hair. They didn’t know I was watching. Listening to them walk down the stairs. 

“It get’s easier. Soon it will almost like nothing.” Bobby sighed, as Benny hesitated on the stairs.

“How long did it take you?” Benny asked. “To get over it.”

“I just remember every reason why they deserve it. It gets easy right quick.” Bobby stated as Benny hesitantly nodded. “Is it Charlie or you for next shift?” 

Shift?

“Charlie. But I pulled two days in a row because jody said Charlie wasn’t feeling good.” Benny stated. “So maybe it’s me again.”

“She’s got a lot on her.” Bobby stated. “With everything going on. He has to be getting it from somewhere.” 

“They can’t keep doing this.” Benny spoke angrily, as bobby opened the door for him and they crossed through it. “They can’t keep up this-” The door slammed cutting off the conversation, as I moved from the kitchen. I paused before looking upstairs. What...were they talking about? 

“Curious ain’t it.” Crowley’s voice startled me and I turned to look at him. He was sitting in the living room, looking over the newspaper. “What he does behind closed doors.” I hesitantly brought my eyes towards the room Castiel always went into, the one benny and bobby came out of. “Ever want to take a peek?”

“I...can’t walk up the stairs.” I stated before pausing. “...do...you know?”

“That I do.” Crowley stated eyeing me.

“What?” I asked but he shrugged. 

“If you want to know, go up there and check.” Crowley laughed as I frowned noticeably before moving to the kitchen. What a ass.  
______________________________________________

 

 

 

 

I watch him, Castiel. When he thinks I’m not. 

My eyes slid down his arms, landing on him watching him clean up from lunch. He is beautiful in all the ways he doesn’t realize. Lost in his own little word. 

He thinks I spend a hour a day watching tv, but I don’t.

I find myself falling for him, with the simplest actions. I feel myself hesitate every time I do, as If falling in love with him could hurt. 

Though sometimes when I lose myself in him, his small brushes of hair behind his ear, the way he slides the water through the water of cleaning the dishes, his soft humming.

And I realize how...sad I feel. 

It’s only in moments I don’t realize I do, those are the times I feel it. 

But the second I realize I do.

It’s gone. 

And I’m left to wonder why It was there in the first place...  
_____________________________________________

 

 

 

A blanket slides up my shoulders as I clean up my paint from painting Crowley, he had already long retreated up the steps. He keeps asking me which I would choose. I think I hate him. Which wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest.

“Hey.” I smiled as I touched a hand that held there. 

“Hey.” Castiel breathed pressing his lips against my neck and I only moved my head to give him room to continue the kisses, but he doesn’t. He pulls away, before returning with a cup of cocoa. I accept it with a small smile, before he takes a seat next to me in the chair crowley once occupied. 

“What’s this all about?” I laugh, taking a sip of the cocoa. He just looks at me with a loving smile. 

“I just...wanted to show you I love you.” Castiel confessed holding his own cocoa. 

“I love you too, dummy.” I smile with a blush, but Castiel only smiles softly before looking down. He didn’t say anything for a long time, but I took in the hidden sadness from his face. “...You okay?” 

He glanced up as though surprised I noticed. 

“Yeah…” He ran his fingers through his hair. I didn’t believe him. “Have you seen them?”

“What?” I asked. 

“Your family, do you still see them...around the house?” Castiel asked, as I blinked at his question. The last time I had seen a mirage of my family was god knows how long ago. It almost was though I lost all track at time here. How many years has it been? Months? Days?

“No…” I confess. He nods, I can’t tell if he is happy for the news or not. “...Healing right?” 

“Yeah.” Castiel whispered looking down, as my hands moved to slide into his. He glances towards our hands, then slowly squeezes it. 

“What’s wrong?” I spoke and the voice had startled him. “I know something wrong.”

“...I keep thinking I’m going to lose you.” Castiel choked out as I shook my head. 

“I-I’m not going anywhere.” I whispered, cupping his face and I for a second wonder if I meant it. He however seemed comforted by it. He turns his head pressing lips onto my hand. I smile softly before being interrupted with a yawn before he stood. 

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Castiel spoke, as he slowly moved to the wheel me towards the bedroom. 

_____________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

I felt the sweat drip down my skin, as I tossed, I couldn’t get comfortable, but no matter how much I tried to wake I couldn’t I felt hypersensitive. I felt every atom of the world around me as though It breaths and move with me. 

“Castiel!” A voice calls and I find myself no longer laying in bed, but standing at the edge of the bed. Castiel getting up quickly at the sound of someone calling his name. I watching him leave the room, before I glance back onto my bed. I stared down at...my body sleeping. I pause as Castiel’s voice makes me look towards the door. 

I find myself in the hallway suddenly as though I appeared, Jody and bobby standing in the doorway, Castiel touching Charlie’s pale skin. Sweat dripping off the young girl's face as she laid unconscious in their arms. 

Charlie?

“How long has she been like this?” Castiel spoke.

“Three days.” Jody choked out. “She was suppose to go on her shift, b-but she didn’t wake up.” Castiel nodded to bobby to go upstairs, and they followed quickly up the wooden steps. I moved towards the stairs but stopped at the first step. I watched them turn and quickly move into the room Castiel always disappeared into. 

I touched the railing before I started up the steps, each step seemed harder to take the higher I got up. I grunted in pain, as I fell to my knees. My knees sinking into the floor as if it were made out of mud. I cried out in surprise the second my hands sunk into the floor, I ripped them out with difficulty. I panted, trying to drag myself up the steps, unable to stand. I was held too deep. I pulled myself up the last step as much as I could. I could see Castiel slicing his hand open with a tool from his workshop bench. He moved back to charlie with a quickened pace, as I felt myself sinking. No matter how much I struggled I continued to sink. 

“It’s okay.” Castiel breathed, cradling charlie in his arms, he smeared blood on her forehead as she whimpered at the touch. “Charlie? Can you hear me?” Castiel breathed, as Charlie blinked her eyes weakly she nodded.

I gripped the railing, trying to keep from going under, my grip becoming weak.

“I’m going to help you feel better okay?” Castiel whispered as she nodded, obviously out of it. Moving towards the other side of the room, he put sat on the edge of stone rim, a rim I had seen before. The well. I felt myself start to breath roughly, a panic attack coming on as he held her above the hole, and let go. When charlie’s body descended into the well. I could only scream causing everyone to turn to look at me the second before I lost my grip and went under the quicksand like floor.

__________________________________________________________________

 

 

I’m in water, my body sense it around me, it was thick. I could feel myself drowning in it. Like a release, like a broken piece of myself that never healed. I for a second forget that the pain isn’t a good sign a reality I’m still alive. I feel the weightlessness as I sink towards the floor. The darkness is what surrounds me and I almost forget that I am not the nothing. 

I feel my barefeet slowly touch the ground, and the weightlessness is forgotten. I feel my lungs burn, I could only close my eyes to the pain and I force myself to breath. I choke on the feel of oxygen being my welcoming to me. 

________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

When my eyes open I realize I am outside, standing in front of the forest. I am staring at the white fense and the thick forest surrounding our homes. I pull on my white shorts tugging them down a bit to warm my legs but they are only thigh high and my tank top is no thicker. 

I let out a cough from my burning lungs, as I hold myself glancing around at the fog that always covered our farms. I blinked my eyes. I turn to look towards the house, Home. I want to go home. my first steps making me sink once again. I choked in surprise as burning ash lays under my feet, I scream as hands slid out of it to grab me. Yanking me down to my knees, and I struggle, trying to fight myself free.

“Dean!” Castiel’s voice called as I glance up with fear. Seeing him standing a good distance looking at me coldly.

“C-Cas! H-Help!” I beg, in fear to what will do if I get dragged under.

“Stand up.” Castiel spoke coldly.

“I-I can’t.” I sobbed, as hands grab my arms, I struggle harder. 

“You’ll keep drowning in the elements if you don’t! I can’t protect you any longer! You must do this yourself!” Castiel growled, as he held his fist white knuckled. “STAND UP!” He commanded, and I sucked in air in surprise by his voice. I let out a shaky breath as I found myself no longer on the ground but standing. I looked around me and the flames and burnt hands were gone. I looked at Castiel who stared at me still unreadable. 

“....W-What’s happening?!” I breathed in tears. “T-This is happening right?! I’m not in a dream?!” 

“Dean-” Castiel started.

“No! No more lies!” I hissed as all my emotions and thoughts came at once. “What the hell is going on?!” I felt a twinge of pain in my chest. “...Charlie...what the FUCK did you do to charlie?!” I moved to him pounding roughly on his chest. “WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?! SHE WAS ONLY A LITTLE GIRL!” I sobbed. 

“Dean!” Castiel yelled but I wasn’t easily stopped. He grabbed my hand holding my wrist, he held me, no tighter than a small lamb. “Don’t you get it yet?! Haven’t you figured it out yet?!” I pause at his words, as he moves to grip my shoulders, tears slid down my face as I look at him. “Think back to the car, Dean! Think back to the car!” My eyes widened at the memory I wasn’t able to stop from surfacing. 

________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

I feel blood spilling into my fingers from the shirt I held pressed against my neck. The blood was warm in my fingers, and the blood almost stung to feel in my cuts in my hand. My vision was fading in and out, I find bright lights of police cars somewhere out of my vision of view. I want to lick my lips, but I am too weak to move. I feel a touch against my neck to where the man had pressed the cloth to it.

My visions too blurry to make out the person, they hold my hand that laid weakly against my neck.

“It’s okay.” A voice I remember speaks. “I got you…” My vision fades, as I take in the beautiful red locks, her eyes so kind on me. C...charlie?

“Take him and let’s go.” A voice spoke as my eyes focus on the woman standing behind her. “We have a timeline.”

“This ones faded...but not dead.” Charlie stated, as she slowly wiped some blood from my brow. Her small fingers felt so warm against my skin. 

“He isn’t going to make it anyways.” Jody sighed. “This is something you have to learn little one, if you are going to get any better.” 

“I know.” Charlie whispered.

“Reap him.” Jody stated, as Charlie nodded before leaning down she moved to press her lips to mine, but Jody instantly covered her mouth stopping her. “W-Wait!” Jody took in my face, taking me in with care. “...Get him.” Jody shoved Charlie up and away with shaky words.

“Why?!” Charlie whined. “Why do I-” She stomped her foot. 

“Do you have any idea who this is?!” Jody spoke as Charlie paused taking a good look at me. 

“It….can’t be.” Charlie whispered.

“His life force is drained, he only got seconds.” Jody stated, touching my head. Her fingers were warm against my skin. “In seconds he will be lost.” 

“Get him.” Charlie spoke, kneeling down to me. She looked at Jody. "I'll keep him alive as much as I can." 

“Charlie no! It’s too-” Jody choked out as Charlie touched my head.

“If he dies then he will have lost him again! Now Go!” Charlie snapped as jody hesitantly nodded, I felt my vision blackening, as Charlie pressed her hands against the side of my head.

“Dean?” Charlie whispered. “Stay with me.” I tried. For her. I felt myself fading, and before I knew it I let myself go. 

 

_________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I felt tears as I found myself collapse to the floor unable to keep myself up with my shaky legs, he stared at me with concern I know he was trying to hide. I covered my face taking in the reality I didn’t want to know, that I...knew.

“...It...wasn’t my family who didn’t survive the accident…” I whispered as Castiel stared at me emotionlessly. Tears spilling down my face as I looked up at his cold look. “...I...It was me…Wasn’t it….? I...was the one….who didn’t make it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left after this one! Then this story will be completely finished. I loved this story so much. The symbolism pieces I used in this was something I truly loved. It always keeps me thinking about it. I hope you liked this plot twist and the others to come!


	9. Then why are we worlds apart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 

I stare up at him and all I could function are the words. What I had said. What I am. He stares and I could see he expression on his face. 

“Yes.” He spoke and the words hit me like a wave, and I for a second wondered if I was drowning in them. I felt the tears falling down as I swallowed them, I was dead? I started to laugh. Hard. He watched as though he understood. He understood my laughter and my happiness.

“I-I’m dead!” I laugh, he doesn’t question it. “M-My family! T-They made it. Mom, D-Dad? Sam, Adam and Jo?! They made it?!” 

“Yes. They survived the crash with minor injuries.” Castiel spoke. “Their seat belts protected them.” I laughed harder, as he waited for me to calm. Of course the irony. He waited. I calmed, running my fingers over my eyes to clear the tears. 

“So...I’m dead.” I breathed calming from my laugh. “...and who are you suppose to be? The reaper? I expected a skull and cloak. Not a hot hippie.” 

“I am no reaper.” Castiel spoke, and I paused taking in this calm side of him I have known so well, yet this wasn’t the man I knew. This man spoke as though he knew the world and all its secrets. I sniffed, as looked him over. 

“...Then what are you?” I whispered, rubbing my ankle sore from my fall. He paused as he noticed my discomfort. 

“Let me take you inside. You’re hurt.” Castiel kneeled down to me. 

“I’m dead...I thought it I couldn’t get hurt.” I breath as he eyed me. 

“You of all people know the dead hurt too.” Castiel stated, I realized for a moment how close we were and even though everything that happened should make me fear him, but I didn’t. I let him carry me inside without argument. He set me down on the kitchen table, leaving my side to get a first aid kit. I hissed as he took my ankle into his hands and slid the wrap around it. We sat in silence as I took him in, watching as he slid his fingers around my ankle.

“....So...do you make it a habit to woo the dead like this?” I spoke, as he glanced up slowly. “You come and sweep people like me off their feet?” I picked some leaves from my clothes, as he stopped. 

“No.” He spoke. “You’re special.” He stated, as I lowered my ankle once he was done. 

“Special huh?” I ask as he moved putting his supplies away. “...What’s so special about me?” I questioned, he pauses before sighing. 

“...You asked me before...What I was…” Castiel stated, as I eyed him. “...your people have many names and words for me. The most accurate I believe, is the title ‘Hades, lord of the underworld.’“ 

“You’re shitting me.” I spoke with a laugh as his eyes stared at me, but when he didn’t cave I covered my mouth. “You’re SHITTING me.” 

“No.” Castiel shook his head. 

“I slept with hades, a freaking god?!” I choked out as Castiel laughed softly. “S-So….this place?! Is this-” 

“The underworld? No.” Castiel slid his fingers through my hair. “This is purgatory. This is the place between the words. Here souls are brought and it’s decided where they go.” Castiel stated, as I rubbed my ankle. 

“So...Charlie and the others...they bring souls here?” I spoke.

“They are my reapers, You see, bobby and the others human souls that I found worthy after they didn’t pass on. I took them in.” Castiel stated.

“Who decides where they go?” I breath. 

“Believe it or not, they themselves chose their destination.” Castiel spoke. “You can’t lie to yourself when it comes to where you go when you die.” 

“So...the well?” I whispered. 

“It...is for people who decide they don’t deserve better.” Castiel stated. “Like past the white fence is for people who do.”

“Why did you throw charlie inside it?” I spoke as Castiel kneeled down next to me. 

“Because...to keep you here...in the in between, purgatory, she has been sharing her life force with you as...a favor to me...I sent her back to the underworld to rest and heal…she will be back to full health very soon.” Castiel stated. 

“...Sharing her life force?” I breathed. “With me….? Why? I’m dead?” Castiel looked down as though trying to find the words.

“Because you ain’t dead, sweetheart.” Crowley’s voice made us turn, he walked in holding his cane in his hands. “You still got that last bit of spark in you.” I felt on edge as he entered. “That little spark is keeping you here, keeping you with him and making her sick trying to keep it.” 

“I-I don’t understand.” I spoke looking at Castiel. 

“Even the god of the underworld doesn’t have the power to defy my law, my rules.” Crowley stopped gripping onto his cane. “He found a loophole in his punishment, but he even knew there would be a limit to it. The longer he keeps you in this grey area, the longer he can have you.” 

“Have me…?” I turned as Castiel looked down. 

“Oh he didn’t break the news yet? Crowley laughed. 

“When you die, you get reincarnated. He is forever cursed to be just out of arms reach from you.” Crowley smirked. 

“R-...Reincarnated?” I whisper. “I-I don’t understand.”

“Because he took you when you weren’t his to take.” Crowley grabbed my chin. “It was the terms. The only thing to keep the world from dying.”

“I-I still don’t understand.” I breathed ripping my chin away, as Castiel took my hand. “Why...are you telling me all this now?” 

“Because my love, we are out of time….” He started with a sad look before he continued. “Remember how I mentioned you were special?” Castiel stated, as I looked him in the eyes taking in his look as he started to explain. “Well… I wasn’t kidding...” 

_____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Castiel’s POV: Many years ago**

 

Appearing in the physical realm is beyond me, the world around me is deafening and even in the sounds of the trees and the wind I find myself screaming in the silence. What a mad world it is outside the walls of my castle. The walls of purgatory, with everyone moving at speeds I can’t comprehend. The world moves too fast for me outside my castle, and I find myself lost in the background noise. 

I hate leaving my home, my solitude. This time, I was not given much choice. I don’t make house calls. Normally those who ask for me, the rare and few come to me. Today, however was an exception. Against my better judgement, I was asked to my sister’s humble abode, on behalf of my brother. Which was less of a favor and more of a demand. He liked to keep in touch with his affairs, his multiple partners. Having other gods care for them in his stead while he laid low after being caught by his wife once again. I was more or less cursed to Deal with her. 

I closed my eyes as I stood in my home, before opening them to see I was in her garden with nothing but sweets in tow. Her secret forest surrounded by her nymphs, her faithful servants. I hadn’t seen my sister in a while, in olympus, and even my concern was starting to arise. Though I cared for very little, I was not heartless despite my reputation, as the heartless prince. I did have one. Though I learned to numb it. 

I waved a butterfly away, which fluttered around me. I had half the nerve to crush it for the annoying cockiness it had to be in my presence and I reached out trapping it in my grasp. I could feel it’s desperate fluttering as it sensed it’s end. It’s very life coming unraveled and as I moved to crush it a voice had gained my attention.

“You caught it.” A voice spoke, as I turned holding out my sword. Though the boy that stood in the garden, seemed to care little of the blade pointed at him. He was young, maybe seventeen, eighteen. His hair light brown and his eyes so green they reminded me of the very earth itself. He had a crown of flowers, and his light blue robes seemed as dirty as his bare feet in the wet dew grass. 

He took in my sword, but his face read curiosity more than anything else. I know of my sister having lovers, but this garden was only for women. It surprised me to see another male in the garden. 

“I’ve been trying to catch that one all summer.” He continued as he reached out poking the tip of my sword with curiosity before I pulled it away, sliding it back into the sheath. I turned to look at my closed hand. “That one's the most beautiful one I have ever seen.” 

I opened my palm taking in the beautiful colors before it flew to the boy’s outstretched hand. He smiled examining the beautiful butterfly that walked on his fingers. 

“Where is your master.” I demanded before I even bothered to ask.

“I have no master.” The boy spoke blinking.

“You are a nymph aren’t you?” I scoffed as the boy shook his head no. 

“I am not.” The boy blinked.  


“Human?” I found myself curious. 

“Human?” He asks and I am so taken back. How could he...exist and not know what humans are.

“...I’m Dean by the way.” The boy spoke, eyeing me with child like curiosity. “...and you are?” I stared at the boy almost as though making sure he wasn’t blind. This boy had no idea who I was? It wasn’t like I was coy. My robes were black, and my symbol laid on my belt and sandals. A symbol that was known. 

“...Castiel.” I said, as he lit up at my name. 

“Hello, Castiel.” Dean gave me a smile as the butterfly in his hands took flight, Dean paused to watch it go, before turning his attention back to me. “What are you doing in my garden?”

“Your garden?” I scoff. Almost insulted for my sister. I start walking away. “Cute, nymph.” 

“I am NOT a nymph.” The teen followed quickly besides me. 

“If you are not nymph then what are you?” I scoff once again. 

“A god!” Dean called and I stop in my tracks. Turning to look at him, as he crossed his arms. “And I demand to know what you are doing in my garden.” 

“A god you say?” I turn eyeing the teen who stands his ground. I had known every god. Every goddess on my forced times to Olympus. This boy, he was too old not to have met. “How rude of me. What is your title then, sir god?” I bow mockingly but the boy doesn’t know the difference. Lighting up at the gesture. 

“M-My title?” Dean asked.

“Why yes, the title and what god you are of.” I stated. “Surely you know.”

“...Um…” Dean looked down, biting at his nail softly. “...I-I don’t.”

“It’s alright.” I lied. “I’m sure you’ll find out eventually. Let me know when you do.” I turn waving as my cape moved behind me as I started to walk towards my sisters temple. 

“A-Are those for me?” He spoke once again gaining my attention, as I looked down at the sweets held to my side. 

“What makes you think those are for you?” I smirk crossing my arms as Dean blushed.

“M-My mother always surprises me with treats from my father, and it’s always those.” Dean stated, as I pause, these sweets were strictly from the god of gods and from his own private creation. 

“W...Who's your parents?” I can’t help but find myself asking as Dean touches his flower crown as though that is the silliest question in the world.

“My mother’s Amara.” Dean laughed. “Though she goes by her title, Demeter, and my dad?...I don’t know much about him. I never see him. Only his sweets. And Those are his sweets. They got his symbol on them.” Dean reached to my belt sliding over the cloth with his seal. “See the lightning bolt?” 

I pause staring at the boy who glanced up at me innocently, there was no question of this boy not understand personal space or the whole not talk to strangers because he never had to deal with that. He must have grown up in isolation with the nymphs and his mother as company. It was surprising to see Zeus’ children from affairs in my presence. My sister out of all things was smart, keeping this child was something I never imagined her doing. The wrath of Hera, his wife, was something so feared. The idea of the child being found out was a death sentence.

“Yes.” I start hesitantly, unhooking the sweets from my strap and holding them out to the boy. “My apologizes, these are for you.” 

“It’s...alright.” He blushed looking down, as he helped himself to a treat, I watched him take a bite. “What brings you to the garden, I never seen you before…” 

“I’m here to see your mother….is she in?” I ask, as he smiled. 

“She’s in her temple.” Dean states looking in the direction to the stone roof that laid just above the trees. “...Can you do me a favor and not tell her you saw me…? She...wouldn’t like if you did.” 

“...I won’t.” I spoke.

“...It was nice meeting you, Castiel.” he smiles before turning and walking in the opposite direction. I couldn’t help but watch him go. 

___________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Castiel’s POV**

Despite my greatest efforts, I found myself return.

I had never felt the need to speak with someone like I found in Dean, I found myself returning, first monthly, then weekly, then...there wasn’t a day that I didn’t see him. 

“CAS!” Dean laughed, as he tackled me into a hug, gripping me so tightly I would slowly found my once awkward holding of him in my arms, turn...warm. Almost natural. 

We would explore his mother's garden, and talk. Mostly about the world outside these walls. Dean loved every story. Every detail of the world outside his prison. The good, the bad and the ugly. Sometimes he would cry on the tales I would tell him, sometimes he would laugh, but he loved them all. No matter what I told. I myself had started to realize that I had grown to love him all. From his squeaks in his laughter, in his pouts when he was being stubborn, from the way his body swayed while he walked. 

We walked besides each other, in the moonlight, the only lights of the firebugs as Dean put it dancing over the water besides them. The nymphs knew, but all avoided the subject with Dean’s mother. Not wanting to face her wrath or destroy the happiness in the boy. Dean made a funny step, yelping as he slid his foot into the lake besides him.

“D-Dean!” I called out grabbing for him as we both crashed into the water. We came up for air in a mixture of laughter and coughing, as i heard him hiss at ankle as he tried to walk to shore. I however had already scooped him into my arms, as he gripped on in surprise. Before I set him down on shore, careful of his ankle. “A-Are you alright?”

“I-I think s-...” Dean tried to put pressure on his ankle but fell forward into my chest, and I caught him instantly. “N-Nope. Don’t think I’m fine after all. Sorry, I’m such a-”

“Loser? It’s cool.” I hummed. He raised an eyebrow. “Oh was that not what you were going to say?”

“Oh. We are going to play like that?” Dean eyed me. 

“Oh yeah.” I smirked. “But I don’t think you can keep up, princess. I play dirty.” 

“Really?” Dean smirked back before looking behind me in fear. “I-Is that my mother?” I whipped my head around, looking into the forest, but I was met with silence and no sign of anyone. 

“I don’t-” I turned but was met with Dean’s hand touching my face and his lips pressed against mine softly. It took me a moment to register before my lips softly moved against his, and I held him tightly in my arms. 

“You play dirty.” I mumbled against his lips when I finally pulled back. 

“Oh yeah...But don’t worry, princess. I didn’t think you can keep up, anyways.” Dean eyed my face before our lips before our lips met once again. 

...And he had fallen in love with me too….

____________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Castiel’s POV**

 

Our departures had become hard for both of us, and Dean would cry at times. The hardest parts became our goodbyes. 

“Take me with you.” Dean would cry, and I would hold him unwilling to let go.

“I-...I can’t.” I whispered as he pull me into a hard kiss, and I would submit kissing him in return. I knew him body and soul, and he did me. Leave was ripping the scab off a healing wound. It killed us every time. “If your mother found out we will never be able to see each other again-”

“Screw my mother!” Dean hissed as he pressed me into a hard kisses. “I LOVE you Castiel. It kills me every time we are apart. It kills you. I feel it. I feel it here.” He pressed my hand against his heart. “I-I can’t keep losing you like this. Please...I can’t...I can’t keep losing you. There has to be something to stop her from interfering.”

“...There...is...One way that might work.” I whispered. 

“I’ll try anything.” Dean pressed me into multiple kisses before I pulled back. Waving my hand in air, a pomegranate appeared in my hand. Dean blinked at it, taking it into his hands. He rolled the fruit curiously in it.

“This pomegranate is from my world….eating just one seed ties you to my land.” I started as Dean broke it open, and moved it close to his lips but I stopped him. “Dean...you eating this...You will not be able to be taken from me, with one seed...you...will become my husband…” Dean looked up with blush. “...but it comes with risks. You will never see your mother or this land again…”

Dean glanced down at the pomegranate before he scooped out a couple of the seeds from inside, glancing them over before he forced them into his mouth squeezed his eyes shut. When he swallowed, he opened them to find himself no longer in the garden he had spent his entire life in but on a beautiful farm house. Dean smiled happily, before jumping into my arms and gripping me into hard lustful kisses and we made my house a home. Lost in our own worlds we knew nothing of the heartaches and pain the human world was enduring from his mother wrath, as we spent the timeless days enjoying our lives as newlyweds. 

____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Castiel’s POV**

 

 

 

I woke to the feeling of Dean straddling me, his hips against my bare ones. He looked beautiful in my shirt, wearing like a dress and I hummed at it as my fingers moved to hold his hips. 

“I love when you wake me up with no underwear on.” I mumbled half asleep. 

“I think you love every way I wake you.” Dean pressed kisses against my chest. 

“You’re right.” I smirked. “I especially love when I wake up with your mouth on my-” Dean cracked up, as I flipped him. I placed lustful kisses against his neck, as he enjoyed my touches. 

“No, you egg! Not till after breakfast! It’s going to get cold!” Dean laughed as I pouted. 

“I told you I was going to spoil you with breakfast.” I mumbled kissing the hickeys all over his body. 

“I beat you to it.” Dean eyed me before he flipped us. I grunted in surprise as he pinned my hands, I could have overtaken him easy, but I was a sucker for power dominate little daisy I married. “After breakfast.” Dean placed one last kiss on my chest, before climbing off quickly and heading out of the room. Stretching I stared at his hickey covered ass that was exposed as he walked off. I loved my little daisy. 

When I finally got the strength to leave my bed, I walked down the hall. Not expecting the item that hit me, clocking me with a hard end of a sandal. I felt blood slid down my chin, before a punch landed on my chin. I grunted taking the hit, hitting the ground in surprise before I glanced up spitting out blood. 

Amara stood there, with Crowley, who looked at though she would murder me if she had a chance. I slowly got up, spitting more blood on the floor.

“You BASTARD!” Amara hissed, as Crowley’s cane stopped her from attacking again. “HE’S MY SON! YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO TAKE HIM!”

“I DIDN’T TAKE HIM!” I hissed. “He came with me on my own accord!”

“LIES!” Amara snapped. “THIS IS ALL YOUR DOING! YOU’RE THE REASON HE’S GONE!”

“G-...Gone?...W-What...did you do….?” I choked out as the woman breathed.

“What I had to, to keep him from you.” The woman hissed, and I bolted away from her, searching the house. 

“DEAN?!” I screamed as my searches turned up nothing. “I’ll kill you!” I turned my anger to crowley but the second I went to strike him I was on the ground coughing up blood.

“You dare steal my child, then you dare threaten me? Brother, I feel as though I have been letting you free rein too long. You have misstepped.” Crowley stated with a smirk. “You will know your place.”

“W...What did...you do?” I growled as Crowley knelt down, smirking with a cold smile.

“...I gave him back to his mother...as a life of a moral. He...will enjoy the world he has always wanted to see, on earth with his mother watching him from the shadows.” Crowley smiled grabbing his chin. “But do not be mistaken brother, you will not be rewarded by his death. You see, Dean will be reincarnated long before you even have a chance to look upon him. Like smoke, he will always be just...out of reach.” Crowley smirked. 

“He is MY husband.” I growled as Crowley paused. 

“...and he is my son.” Crowley smirked. “Next time you take a husband, you will remember not to do so with a child of mine….and Dear brother, make sure you learn your place by then.” Crowley spoke, as in a instant Amara and him were gone, and all I could do was break down in tears for the love of my life was gone...and was never coming back.

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**Dean’s POV: Now**

 

 

I sat on the table in silence, as Castiel looked towards the floor. I was...a god….Castiel was my husband...and crowley...I looked over the god. Zeus. Who stood staring at me with a pride, I couldn’t shake off. This was all too much to swallow. 

“...Do you understand why…?” Castiel whispered. “Why you must decide for yourself where you will go?”

“...go?” I whispered back. 

“You must decide if you will be reincarnated or will you stay here with me.” Castiel spoke. “...This was a choice stolen from you before, but...now he has no choice but to let you decide. You are one of the dead. He can not control you despite how much he wants to.” 

“He is only part of your dead for another minute or so.” Crowley sighed in annoyance. “Listen, Dean. I’m willing to negotiate, hell, I can even swing you surviving this and being with your family. But you must not pick Castiel. I have to keep the example in place.”

“He’s lying Dean, you’re dead. Your family? you’ll forget all about them and be reborn into the next.” Castiel spoke, taking my hand I glanced at him with tears in my eyes. “...I don’t care if you choose me….or if you love me but don’t want to stay….but Dean….I love you, I love you more than anything and I just want you happy….promise no matter what...you will choose your happiness.” I hesitantly nod, as he places a soft kiss to my forehead.

“Sixty seconds.” Crowley reminds cruelly, as my mind goes a million times a second.

“...After I decide. I want to cash in that favor.” I spoke as Crowley smirked to me nodding slightly as though he knew all along. 

“Thirty seconds.” He smirked with knowledge that was beyond me just as I open my mouth to choose just as the clock hits the minute.

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 **Mary’s POV**

 

Climbing out of the car, she held her head as let the police officer lead her towards the ambulance. The second however, her eyes fell onto a white tarp over a body, being lead away, she knew. Her sick feeling in her stomach rose. 

“D-Dean!” Mary screamed, as she tried to bolt towards it, but the policeman held her tightly. “DEAN!” 

“I’m sorry...he’s gone.” The policeman spoke, as mary broke down sobbing. “He’s gone...I’m sorry.” Mary was lead towards the ambulance, being held up completely by the policeman and she cried for the death of her son. 

 

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**Mary’s POV: One year later**

 

 

Mary walked down the busy street, as she held Jo’s hand, Jo kept up, as her mother tried to read the directions on her phone. She was going the right way, and she knew it was that way, but being directionally challenged, she knocked into someone.

“Sorry.” Mary stated barely glancing up as she kept walking. Jo stopped, as mary continued to try to lead her, but when jo didn’t budge she kneeled down. “Come on sweetie, we are late for Adam’s baseball game.”

“Dean?” Jo stated, as Mary stopped. Slowly looking down the rows of people, she followed Jo’s gaze to a young man who stood alone on the street. Wearing jean shorts and a tank top, with blue sunglasses on his head. He looked at them, their eyes connecting as he gave them a loving smile. Taking his hands from his back pockets he gave a out a small wave, as Mary felt tears come to her eyes as she waved back. His attention was taken from them, he smiled at an older man who held out a ice cream cone to Dean who smiled brightly. Leaning up, they kissed lovingly, before Dean ushered to the man to look at them. 

The older man glanced at Mary and jo, bowing his head respectfully. Thanking them for...everything. Mary smiled lovingly as tears slid down her face, nodding her head to the man in a silent prayer he will care and love her baby. He gave her a reassuring nod, as a small three headed puppy going unnoticed by the busy people yanked on his leash. Knocking the ice cream from the man’s hand. Dean laughed happily, as he laughed at the older man’s unfortunate before offering to share his. Before he took his lover’s arm and continued down the street with him, before they just disappeared as though they were never there. But mary knew, and all she could ever want came true. Dean...was happy and loved, and...in the end that was all a mother could ask for. 

 

 

 

....And they lived, happily. Together.

 

 

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that's the end. I'm so glad I went to finish this. I mean, it might not be the most popular but this story means the world to me. I hope you guys enjoyed it too.


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